Blowing My Mind!

I simply cannot bring myself to believe, that MOST people in this world believe that God believes that a faction of human beings suddenly decided that, for the sole purpose of defying God's believes, started sleeping with people of the same sex. 

I also simply cannot bring myself to believe, that MOST people in this world believe that God believes that a faction of human beings suddenly decided that, for the sole purpose of defying God's believes, began to act, feel and "want" to be a way everyone doesn't.

Do you think that we want to be gay, trans, or queer to oppose God???

Wait wait wait, you think we want???!!! As in we had a choice????

Ok ok ok.

You don't have to walk a mile in our shoes, you just need to step into it.

Step into it and you have no idea why simply acting how you want to makes the world start hating you.

Step into it and be told why you should act the way you should, right thereafter question your existence and subsequently be utterly perplexed why the world works in this excruciatingly inexplicable way.

Step into it and be confused why God thinks you shouldn't exist because all you're doing is simply being alive.

Step into it and you understand suicide (and an almost unmatched motivation for it especially if you're born into an unfavourable circumstance).

This is just a single queer person's rant. Just one single person.

A version of me is in an unhappy marriage and cheating on his wife.

A version of me died by suicide.

A version of me was killed in police brutality.

A version of me earns from sex trade and is likely carrying multiple venereal diseases.

A version of me is fighting for the LGBTQIA++ rights.

A version of me ran away from home at a young age.

A version of me has been disowned by his parents.

ALSO

A version of me is happily married to a man.

A version of me survived suicide and is now living a full life.

A version of me participated in a protest and has lived to tell the tale.

A version of me won a landmark decision for LGBTQIA++ people.

A version of me has parents that accepted her and now goes by **insert Indian woman name**.

A version of me has parents that have a son in law. 

AND

A version of me is now living a life in secrecy but without any excitement of being who he is, writing an anonymous blog and acting like a hetero cis guy while doing something in life he loathes at the moment. 

If Only

 If only I'm allowed to be constantly be myself.

I am just imagining the world that would open me up to.

Even today I am reminded of the insufferably heteronormative, cisgender world I live in.

Questions of my "imminent" marriage, my singlehood and my so called should be planning for a wife cannot seem to elude my existence! Especially from older people who should probably just shut the f**k up!

So funny. All I've heard from ALL of my aunts is the constant, agonising complaints about their husbands and vice versa. And these people advocate marriage??!!!

I want to live in a world of my people. 

A world where I can wear whatever and walk however I want to.

A world where I can put on a full face of makeup and walk in heels to a lovely vegan brunch restaurant with my friends.

A world where I can get up in the morning, meditate and then cook myself a lovely meal.

A world where I can create creatively and not face prosecution for it.

It exists.

I would have to travel there.

But I love my parents too much to entertain that notion.

And I guess that's the reason Just Me exists...

I Want This Superpower

 You see, whenever I came out to heteronormative cis-gendered men, the sheltered ones at least, the one constant feedback I got was...

"What??? You're telling me that you have no feelings whatsoever for a woman. So if a woman was to stand stark naked in front of you, you wouldn't have an erection?"

"So if you're physically close to a woman you don't feel funny? Like I see pictures of you and your friends hugging and all.... Nothing???"

"Have you watched porn? How is it when you watch porn?? You would just look at the men???"

"OMG! HOW??? I just can't..... HOW????"

"REALLY???"

"But you're a good looking guy! You'd get any girl you want!" (Well, you just gotta take my word for it now don't you? :P )

Imagine if they could live a day in our heads. 

That would be my superpower. To make every homophobic, transphobic, queer-phobic individual I come across become the thing they are afraid of/they hate for ONE DAY! Just one day!

I got to thinking this because I finally let go of the fantasy that a clandestine Hogwarts School of Withcraft and Wizarding might exist somewhere.

JK Rowling is transphobic. It blew my mind because she apparently isn't homophobic. She is the quintessential manifestation of an oxymoron.

And it was funny because... going back to my initial statement... heteronormative cis-gendered women never had a problem with me being gay. They always had a problem when gender identity was brought up.

And I am way past separating the artist from the art even if it didn't reflect their trans/homo/queer-phobia.

Thank you.

With Age Come Wisdom?

 Respect your elders they say.

They're older and wiser they say.

(Yes, say, because it is continuous.)

They're more experienced they say.

FUCK THEM!

I constantly see older people doing dumb things!

Bad manners.

Bad drivers.

Bad citizens.

Bad attitudes.

Bad intentions.

FUCK THAT!

If a younger person sees me doing something stupid I'd want him/her/them to tell me.

Have some manners, sure, but TELL ME!

Unless you're related, you call me by my name! I've told that to every acquaintance I've gotten to know NOT via my family.

Respect people who respect you! 

*tongue pop...hair flip...finger snap...yasss mawma...OKURRRR*

Lucky??? Maybe???

"Find a way to get paid for doing what you love." 

- Oprah Winfrey

Easier said than done OP-RAH!!!

 Lucky are the ones who love their job!

Not Including 2006 to 2009...

... missed Just Me's 10th post-revival anniversary.

Just Me was started on March 29th 2006. And legitimately, monthly posts were published right up to August. The posts even reflect J's age back then...

Sporadic posting in 2007, 2008 and it went into a coma in 2009.

There was a reason to start it up again. And although it slowly descended from a very enthusiastic 70 posts to less than sensible, borderline lazy 15 to 19 posts, annually, it has ultimately chugged along.

It is very much a compendium (of sorts) of J's life albeit, in true J fashion, VERY impaired.

Just Me was revived on April 23rd 2010.

10 proper years plus 4 pseudo years.

OMG, it is a teenager!

I Reached Another Milestone!

I finished the Bhagavad Gita!!!

I can't believe it.

I saw myself accomplishing this in my 50s.

Not now...

Not in my 30s...

Yes, I cried!!!

I cried...

BREAKING NEWS!

Mr. P is LEGALLY MARRIED!

I am so tickled!!!!!!!!! I just couldn't stop laughing!

And that effectively concludes the mention of this character on Just Me.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Unless I attend his wedding. That will warrant an entry.... Teehee...

Privileged vs Lucky

I grew up thinking that I was lucky.

Lucky because I would be told, shown and reminded that there were starving children everywhere in this world and I was lucky that I had parents who fed me and clothed me well beyond their means.

Lucky because The High Priest once knew hunger and he has made sure I would never.

Lucky because I got an education and some children began working as young as 5 (maybe younger).

Lucky because I was a boy and boys get more in life.

Lucky because I lived in the country I lived in because people in some parts of the world lived in war torn cities.

Lucky because I was taken overseas.

Lucky because I have a roof over my head.

Even the media tells us. Shows us shocking images. Of children picking up scraps from the ground out of sheer hunger. Parents running down the street, wailing, with bloodied corpses of their children laying motionless in their arms.

I understand that their pain comes no where close to even the most harrowing experiences I've had to go through in life.

And so, I grew up believing and telling myself I have nothing to complain about.

I still do.

Sometimes I convince myself so well that I actually believe I am happy.

And then I am actually happy and I realise I was fooling myself all along.

Fleeting are those moments.

There are but four moments in my life that I have been truly happy.

The day Mr. P's erection hit my hips.

The day I performed odissi in a foreign land.

The day I realised I had a masters degree and should stop there (but didn't).

The day I finished 10 kms and earned a finisher medal.

How trivial huh?

And as with all my revelations, I got it from a TV character who told another, "Privileged, not lucky". When the latter said the former was lucky because she got to ride on a airplane.

Today I realised;-

Me being who I was only brings the family pain. No amount of being helpful, humble or kind was going to solve it (money might);

Throwing money at the problem was a better solution to all my problems which is a realisation a couple of years too late;

My whole life of convincing myself that I was lucky has pushed me into depression which I'd wager a handsome bet at this point, that I'd be unquestionably clinically diagnosed. I've been suicidal and have documented my self inflicted wounds right here on Just Me.;

I have gotten so good at living with it that I'd convince the doctor I wasn't going through depression.;

I've convinced myself that if I had any emotional turmoil, that was always my fault.;

I've also convinced myself that pain only mattered when it is physical...

I don't know where I was going with this.... At least a little burden is lifted. Thank you Just Me.

Ricky oh Ricky

When I first found out Ricky Martin is gay I went FUCK ME!!!

There's a world where a mainstream celebrity like him gets to come out as gay and be safe???!!

He still fine AF!