And I Thought I'd Never....

And I thought I'd never get over this!

But I did...

Like a few things vividly etched into memory, the one incident I recalled yesterday was the DAY I LOST HOPE...

I thought nothing in my life in the future would ever equal that one day, how erroneous was I...

Yesterday, if you could believe it was worse than the DAY I LOST HOPE. So by calculations, yesterday, 26th January 2012, was, by far, the worst day of my entire 26 years of life...

It was the day, like every other instance in my life, I didn't stand for what I believed in (or rather what I should have believed in).

And like every other blow I get, I got up and renewed myself.

The issue was my masters got a huge disapproval and 2 years of my work was ridiculed by a panel of observers; F**King over-achieving b@st@rds!!!

Then I got to thinking. Those @ssholes would never know anything than the PhDs and professor positions they hold. They would never know anything beyond molecules, statistics, protocols, deadlines, projects, publications, impact factors, positions, salary bla bla bla. All pursuit of never-ending worldly matters. I already know all that and more then they'll ever find out!

They'll never know fashion (have you seen what professors wear and what they look like?).

They'll never know makeup (have you seen how female professors wear makeup??)

They'll never know dance (ask them to stand 1 minute in chawka!!!).

And most importantly, no matter how religious they are, they'll never know God like I do! This, above all else is the one thing I pity those souls their bodies harbour.

And so I realised, hey, I am not as incompetent as I think I am... I am just with the wrong project!

So, Monday morning, I am going to march into my lecturer's room and tell him, GIVE ME SOME GENERIC SHIT TO DO!!! (albeit the word 'shit' of course).

This would also mean two more years of starting from scratch!

But hey, how much trouble that could be compared to the past two years?

So here's to starting over yet again.

God, give me your best shot at breaking me again!

And I'll always love you GOD!!!

I am a MESS...

Ever reached a point where you thought you were wrapping things up but a turn of events make you realise you are where you started?

I am there now.

I have no way out.

I refuse to attempt suicide.

I cannot confront The High Priest and Priestess.

I cannot just drop everything and leave because the worst case scenario is too terrible to imagine.

Facing it on the other hand would mean at least 5 more years of suffering. Knowing I am doing something I don't want to do; something that is probably what I am going to be doing for the rest of my life.

I am back to square one.

Approaching 27, I am back to where I started, a big 0!!!

And two years of work now mean squat!

I don't even know what I am doing updating my blog...

I feel lifeless akin to a lump of meat not even fit for bacteria to initiate decaying on.

All because I couldn't stand up for myself.

新年快乐!!!

Another year dawns upon us!

新年快乐!

Happy Chinese New Year!

Selamat Menyambut Tahun Baru Cina!

சீன புத்தாண்டு நல்வாழ்த்துக்கள்!

Let us all ferociously fight to attain our dreams like the magnificent dragon! 

All the best for a new awakening this year!

Thanks www.layoutsparks.com 

2012 Checklist!

Heart-broken seemingly irrevocably, CHECK!
Heart-mended ever so brand new, CHECK!
Taste buds back on the tongue, CHECK!
Feelings back in the heart, CHECK!
Dancing, CHECK!
Sex, (albeit, once in a blue moon), CHECK!
Friends, CHECK!
Family, CHECK!
Losing weight, (whops, let's halt that!).
Paycheck, (let it come already!!! Sigh, this has to wait too).

2011, what a year! I shall fondly remember you!

Enter 2012.
First week in the presence of family;
Second week in the presence of Funny Architect.

All's well, all's good...

2012 checklist;

1. Finish masters.
2. Start PhD.
3. Loose weight along the way.
4. Get that f**king paycheck!
5. Dance, dance and dance!!!
6. F**king quit tobacco!!!

The list has shaped up nicely...

Happy New Year and Happy Ponggal!!!