Dear Just Me

Dear Just Me,

I have no one to blame but myself for my weight and I know that.

I also know that it isn't entirely my fault that I fell into a drain and tore my meniscus.

That mishap took away the one thing that gives me the strength to wake up enthusiastically every morning; ODISSI.

It also took away from me, the ability to do physical exercise to loose weight until a point that I gave up and started eating, drinking and smoking excessively.

I also know that very few people know of my ordeal and those who don't just see what they see, a FAT guy.

They also do not know that I have quit smoking and became an occasional drinker with a two drink limit. They also do not know that I probably eat lesser than they do.

So it pissed me off when the first things my aunt #3 said to me after not having seen each other in several months was "YOU NEED TO LOOSE WEIGHT LA!" in a VERY condescending tone. I retaliated and she wasn't happy.

Things happen for a reason and if people do not understand what you are going through then they aren't worth your time. I am not about to completely write off this aunt of mine but she is one I am keeping at arm's length. I'll say my "Hi/Hello" and walk into another space. It has happened with aunt#1's family. If I can't find the distance I need, I'll reach for my phone and start continuously texting Cookies and Cakes even if he doesn't reply.

She'll be one of those people I call, worthless until proven worthwhile or otherwise.

Perhaps I'll write a list.

Worthless until proven otherwise


Thank you Just Me

Love,
J

PS: There should also be a "redundant until proven otherwise" list but the list in itself is redundant!!! HAHAHA!!!

I am in LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #5

This time around I'm back to Tamil movies.

This guy however is of Punjabi descent who has recently dabbled in Kollywood.

His Kollywood debut has been raved upon.

Although I believe there was little acting involved in that particular role.

All that being said, the man is gorgeous!!!

His name is Neil Nitin Mukesh.

Grandson of the legendary Mukesh Chand Mathur (an iconic Bollywood playback singer (think kabhi kabhi mere dil me or just google him) and grandson of Nitin Mukesh (another great singer).

And this time around I am not "fan-girl"-ing.

No ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

No *fans oneself*

No*palpitations*

No *faints*

It's more like...

I wanna smell him...

I wanna smell his hair have him hug me from behind.

*deep deep deep sighs*

Courtesy of http://www.gopixpic.com/

Courtesy of his Wikipedia page

Courtesy of http://www.hdwallpapersinn.com/

Enough said!

F@&K!!!!!!!!!

Indian Gay Boys.... Sigh Sigh....

On a popular queer dating site,

Boy: Hi dude.
J: Hello
Boy: Nice 2 chat with you bro.
J: Thanks. You are?
Boy: im ___ dude...ur name...
J: I am J. What do you do ___ ?
Boy: im working bro...and u..?
J: I am studying. Just started my PhD.
Boy: oh nice.
J: Thanks.
Boy: no prob.

*no replies*

J: I hope you read my profile properly.
Boy: yes bro....any prob?
J: Well I am a fat guy just so you know...

*no replies*

Sigh sigh. They think they are almighty and all macho! And I feel stupid for being so attracted to brown men!

My profile isn't complicated you know. Just looking at my stats, one may form a picture as to how big I may be.

BODOH kan???

Anyway, I did meet someone from this dating site. So far, we've had a strong sexual attraction.

I've met him twice and we Whatsapp everyday and speak as frequently as we can. I am to take the blame. Even THIS I procrastinate!!!

He is brown (a-boh-den???), well-mannered, plus sized (deliciously like myself) and he adores me.

What this will become is completely in the dark.

We'll see... *wink*

My heart is so stubborn!

I keep telling it to fall in love already!!!!

Any advice?

Simply La You Know, Something Triggered In My Head!

I will be the first to admit that I possess many negative qualities people want the world to be rid of.

And it seems that I always realise this when a Facebook friend starts preaching.

Which begs the conundrum, how can one preach when he/she isn't perfect?

I am cynical (albeit more satirically rather than dead-set serious cynicism), I procrastinate, I love alcohol (although I can't drink it as much as I used to be able to), I am a former smoker, I fake myself sometimes to get things done, I lie, I am lazy, I love gossiping and bla and bla and bla and I can keep adding to this list with no end in sight. I am flawed, admittedly make no excuses for it and always know God loves me and Karma is timely and ultimately takes it toll.

So it always surprises me when people tend to relentlessly defend their virtues (yes, 'virtue', most definitely includes a positive connotation in this context) although the truth or even their motivation for it may be far from justified. So far from being fair, they may have even convinced themselves that it is the only truth.

I am always ready to admit defeat. If one tells me that I am being an asshole, I'll admit it and I'll reason with myself and adapt.

Because when it comes to defending oneself, even the purest of souls turn into bigots.

After all, in the end, it is always the innate ego in oneself that starts saying "I have done this and done that and I know this and know that."

When in fact, the 'I' itself is nothing more than an illusion.

HE is the only truth.

As the great Ramana Maharshi says, "Your duty is not to be this or that; give up the notion that 'I am so and so' ".

And that saying was 'Google'd.

Cos' J ain't perfect honey!!!