The Shift

I recently dissected the reason why giving up smoking was so hard.

Being always the goody-two-shoes of the family, I have always rebelled in secrecy.

Smoking was time when I'd sneak out and do something bad just so I don't feel like such a wimp.

That's somehow changed when I was recently craving a cigarette and sat down and thought to myself why.

I am going to start with a new and controlled addiction.

Alcohol!!!

Not gonna spoil my liver overdosing on it but I am getting a bottle of red wine every week and enjoy a little of it every day...

CHEERS!!!!!!!!!!!!

That reminds me I need a proper wine glass...

A Salute To Cookies and Cakes

I hope you (CnC) do read this.

Amid the formative years of bad hairdos, unflattering wardrobe and massive self-loathing; to the self-discovering stint through many questioned morals, freshly unearthed and buried beliefs and horrific dating and sexual activities took place; to the self-assured well-grounded current state of mind;

one thing has been an underlying theme through which the worst of predicaments have yet to distort; the epic friendship of Hdaran and Cookies and Cakes.

In my mind, the monumental 21st Century Fox introduction needs plagiarising here.

During our teens it was all about our friends at school, which teacher to taunt, which club would be most popular beneficial, an enormous presence of ego and quite intriguingly a massive fallback to inferiority. The exchange of deafening secrets, the clash of opinions and the continuously recurring juvenile altercations. Cookies and Cakes and I have gone through bouts of dramas that always invariably leads to days (weeks and sometimes months) of mute acknowledgment.

Moving into our early 20's saw a new gush of switch from close proximity on a daily basis to geographical distance which spun months. Truth be told, our bickering still did persist and however subtle those waves of differences were, they seemed to be intensified multitudinously. This was those years of first loves and heart-wrenching separations all of which led to staggering self-growth. Self growth that provided significant tolerance and the much needed 'new perspective about life'. 


At the moment, well-adjusted to the current state of affairs, our bond has proved itself unshakable.

Now more than ever.

So here's to that special platonic man in my life; may we always have each other to buy one another a drink (my time will come soon enough - CnC, you should know what I mean)...

A New Chapter in My Life

I think it's about time I at least post an entry about this new character in my life. The Wizard.

The Wizard is a man I met through that popular gay dating website. A rare combination of an alcohol drinking, football watching, mother loving, bank personnel with (thank Heavens) a good command of the English language. He's also capable of walking amongst the popularly known group Indian men are so often associated to, the macha's. Don't be fooled though, The Wizard cooks and loves Italian.

And as with any new tale in Hdaran's life there's a catch. After 6 months of a lot of back and forth Hdaran and The Wizard have yet to meet. That's right folks.

This is also one of those elusive tales of promised monogamy without physical contact.

That far-fetched idea of distance obliterated.

That impossible notion that not seeing does not taint hope (God is of course an exception because I felt His Presence).

How all this plays out; stay tuned folks.

If this is the next big thing; Hell it better be good.

And when and what happens; you know I'll be writing in acceptable detail.

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My First Conference

Last week I had my first taste of an organised formal meeting for discussion and exchange of ideas.

Yes, last week was my first conference in which I presented a paper...

And it was amazing!!!

Of course there were times I felt dumb but being among all the great minds in the room and coming to a realisation every now and then that I was a part of it gave me goosebumps...

Best of all, it was conducted in a hotel which hosts a restaurant well known among foodies in the island... Situated along the coastline...

I took some pictures of the food...

Grilled beef, Norwegian salmon, tiger prawns, Moroccan lamb stew, mussels in sambal. The salmon and beef were overcooked. But the others were delicious! This was the conference dinner on the first day, AFTER my presentation, so I ate without much worries... It was so satisfying... The appetizers were just as delightful. Pan-seared bluefin tuna (nice and rare), and smoked salmon!!! I forgot about taking pictures during the appetizers because I was too excited to eat!!! HAHAHAHAH!!!!

Grilled lamb chops, seafood lasagna, grilled dori fillet, sausage with cheese. The dori fillet was over-seasoned but the others were good! This was lunch, 2nd day conference...

A piece of the lamb chop in the picture above. I stood there where the chef was grilling eyeing the lambs when he noticed I was wandering and said, "There's a plateful of them there," pointing to the previous batch of grilled chops. I said, "I want them freshly grilled." He said, "Ok, how well do you want them?" I said, "As rare as you can make it." And those were the results of my request. The ones that were already cooked were just medium rare bordering on well-done. That is why I requested that the chef do a few fresh ones for me... Of course I let the meat rest before cutting into them or else it wouldn't have looked like the picture above!

YES, THEY WERE ALL BUFFET MEALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Malaysian Talent

Please watch this video of two Malay dancers from Aswara excelling in an Indian classical art form...

More About Mr. P

Regrettably this character would not be seeing its last post on Just Me...

And like so many others before this, it involves the narration of a series of unfortunate events...

I have been (constantly) reminded of Mr. P's sister's wedding by the family. Living up to her doting nature speaking to her automatically told me that I was about to be roped into something I didn't want to be roped into. True enough the mother of three called to make sure I RSVP'ed yes for the soiree. I reluctantly did unknowing of what was to unfold; Confused Gal called to request that I attend the wedding so that they could have me driving them there...

You see I did not want to know about the matrimony let alone be a part of it... All along I was under the impression that the wedding was an evening one. This would mean I would have enough time to adjudicate a Science fair competition for Tamil primary school students (which I agreed to do weeks earlier) AND make it for the wedding. Alas, the news-bearer dispensed with the details of the wedding which takes place in the morning, the time within when the Science fair takes place.

Goodbye adorable little children and new acquaintances (Science fair).........

I made arrangements for someone else to take my place at the judges' table and drove to the northern region of the state accompanied by Confused Gal and her sister.

I think I need a drum-roll here...

Literally a sight I was not at all prepared for greeted me at the venue; the figure of my aunt #1 appears from within the temple just as I walked into it.

A few thoughts ran through my head in the following order...

Why is that woman looking at me?
Oh my God that looks like ...
WHAT THE F***???!!!!
THAT IS HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wait wait ... I have the wrong place...
Look into the crowd Hdaran...
I see him, in blue, Mr. P...
I have the right place then...
Then... why...
Oh no.... OH NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.....
Are we ...???

Then the conversation with my aunt ensued (Tamil words using Roman letters have been done away with to make my life easier)...

Aunt: Are you here alone?
Hdaran: No I'm with them... *points to Confused Gal and her sister*
Aunt: Oh, who are they??
Hdaran: Oh they are all my juniors... Including the bride's younger brother...
Aunt: Oh wow! The groom is your uncle's elder sister's son...

Yes, you thought right... Mr. P and I are now related...
In the Indian culture there are relations, connections which disallow any union of marriage.
For example I can't marry any of my mom's sister's daughters because they are equal to my own sister (if I had any). And similarly I can't marry my father's brother's daughters (not that I want to).
AND then there are some relations through which people are encouraged to get married to... In the old days, people tried to keep wealth in the extended family and thus encouraged marriage within the family wherever  marriage is possible... However in recent times there have been scientific evidence saying that this leads to dumber kids (in crude terms)...
For example, I am allowed to marry my mom's brother's daughters and my father's sister's daughters (euggh, revolting thought!!!).

This is extendable to second cousins and third cousins. Now Mr. P is my third cousin whom, if either of us were the opposite sex, marriage is allowed.Oh the irony!!!!!!! I have slept with this person already!!! What if the connection equaled him to a younger brother???

I have to call Mr and Mrs GE athe and mama from now on, the same thing I call my dad's sisters and their husbands respectively...

This isn't disturbing though... Just weird... I spent the past three years trying to forget someone whom is now someone I am related to through marriage... And I haven't forgotten him or how I used to feel for him. However, take note of the word 'used'.

The feelings are but only parts of my history no matter how vivid they are.

2012!!!

The CHECKLIST has got a few things to be ticked off...

1. Finish masters.
-Very very close but still "un'check'able".

2. Start PhD.
-Well, #2 is totally dependent on #1 so I guess that remains to be seen.

3. Loose weight along the way. 
-I am getting there. After weeks of failed attempts I am back in those Nike trainers again!

4. Get that f**king paycheck! 
-Ah HAH!!!! I've got the paycheck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOHOOO!!!!!!!! What a sense of satisfaction that was! Another milestone in my chapter! It ain't much, but it's a start. So, CHECK!!!

5. Dance dance and dance!!! 
-A fantastic progress here, I am now, a senior dancer. YUP, I skipped the intermediate level. HAHAHAHA! Friday, 25th of May 2012, I will be, for the first time, conducting our weekly official odissi class because;
#1, our designated trainer is currently in pursuit of that very Herculean task; the "Arangetram", the bharatanatyam graduation performance.
#2 The next in line, one of the senior dancers would be absent tomorrow.
Given that I am probably the only one whom has caught up on the latest Pallavi piece we're learning, and also the fact that I am well-versed with the procedural workings of the weekly dance class, I am going to be training the class tomorrow!!! How awesome is that??? Only last year I was a junior dancer!!! CHECK THIS TOO!!!

6. F**king quit tobacco!!! 
-This is probably the most monumental of the entire checklist! Yes, I have officially ditched cigarettes!!!!!!!!! CHECK CHECK CHECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BEHOLD 2012!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've Dunnit!!!

I remember the post about gunghroos. And I promised myself I would do it...

AND, I HAVE!!!

Here they are!!!

I am in LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #3

His name is Unni Mukundan and he's SOOOOO EEEEEEE, AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DELISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look at that dimply smile!!! *MELTS!!!!!!!!!!!*

Look at that beautiful face. 

With that muscled hairy arms and that sexy beard. Did I mention that smile???

Someone call me an ambulance!!!!!!!!

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*fans oneself vigorously with palms*

*palpitations*

*puts hand on the head*

*faints*

Of The Embracing Mother

Yesterday I spent an entire night and a whole morning staying up for an embrace from a God-enlightened soul; Amritanandamayi Ma...

Go Google it...

Started at about 5pm, Saturday evening. We arrived relatively early considering that the entire event garnered the attention of about more than 20, 000 people. Rumour has it that the expected count was no more than 15, 000 and the turnout was twice that predicted headcount.

I wanted to document the event as to keep this memory a remembrance of the perks of perseverance.

Taken at 7.49 pm, outside the entrance to main arena
of Penang International Sports Arena (PISA).

Taken at 9.38 pm, inside the arena.

Taken at 2.36 am, inside the arena. 

Taken at 5.27 am, inside the arena. 

Taken at 6.04 am, inside the arena.

Taken at 6.22 am, inside the arena.

The crowd, although did slow down later into the day, did not seem any less staggering. All for this one soul, whose love has made us all believers in God and His insuperable blessings.

Chants of 'Amma, amma, amma, please come dwell in this soul' and laughter of joy sent chills down my spine. Not the eerie ones, but the ones that make you believe in something greater than all the world's good put together.

Most of the funds made from this event is going for a good cause; ashrams for the underprivileged etc.

Most of the people present were delighted of her presence in our most often insignificant lives.

And...

Most of the joy spread would encourage us to be in the presence of good at all times.

Whether it did or did not work in causing an uproar of selflessness stemming from a soul that stayed up a total of 20 hours (or perhaps more) and gave out an amazing 30, 000 (given that the rumours were true) darshan (blessings) in the form embraces full of pure love, the possibly sporadic change in the lives of the people that dwell the island would definitely linger on to cause a small milestone of goodness in the hearts of all those touched by Amritanandamayi Ma...