The one bad thing about sex is when you've had it, you keep going to it for more!!! Crazy Soldier told me someone finally broke into his 'merchandise'! The boy's definitely going back for more!!! HAHAHA!!!
Good day people!!!
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
The Good Times
Saturday, 27th August, 12.30 am onward
Matrimony of a certain someone took me 200 kms away from home to a small town in the neighbouring state. It was a friend of Gdaran's from his days in polytechnic whom incidentally was tying the knot with a junior of mine. I personally had no close ties to this junior of mine; it was just another favour for Gdaran. The good thing however was the fact that his friends and I were previously introduced last year when we traveled to Port Dickson for an overnight stay; alcohol, beach, unhealthy munchies and all!
We were ahead of the rest and was taken to a nearby dorm-cum-motel to freshen up and get some rest. It was decent and comfortable with air conditioning. Upon arrival, the alcohol sloshing almost immediately began and it lasted way up to the next night. This was the first time I have been under the influence of alcohol for more than 24 straight hours, the buzz, not once wearing off. It all somehow felt blithe because they reminded me of my boys back in uni; a similar collection of loud, funny, carefree, and hopeless bunch of morons. It stroke a chord in me; time and choices may take one far from where he/she started, but for the sake of the good times, everything else becomes trivial in comparison. Disheartening is the fact that good times don't last but I relish that they would come along over and over again for me to cherish.
Monday, 29th August, 11.30 pm onward
I was out with Gdaran for our occasional routine go at the pool table along with two other of his friends when someone popped back in my life. One guess who. Right across the table, just as I was about to try and salvage my hopeless streak of unfortunate faults that night, this slim figure of dark complexion and well toned arms, hat in place, goatee trimmed to accentuate an already sharp angular face, manifested. Immediately, I felt this huge punch in my gut, adrenaline gushed in and took over no sooner than I had thrust the cue stick upon the cue ball. At that moment, I understood what it was like to want to run in the opposite direction when you stumble upon an ex. I held my ground anyway, and did the only sane thing I could think of, text-SOS my friends for help. Dear Teddy replied assuring me that I had nothing to worry about. Just as I expected, Mr P and I ignored each other. He was long gone before I decided to pry on the adjacent table but seeing that empty table brought me back to life akin to being resuscitated via a defibrillator. I resumed the rest of the night winning two frames of the 3 frames game we played.
Tuesday, 30th August, 7.30 pm onward
Cookies and Cakes is back from the capital city and he brought along the ultimate accessory!!! (Sorry CnC, I don't wanna be so jaded but I guess you would understand for now.) Giggly Mellie was the fourth lively addition to a Chinese steamboat dinner, a sit-down pastry dessert explosion and a late night social accompaniment of Paulhaner, draught, and cider.
Surprise surprise, I got a Fossil watch for a birthday gift!!!
And not a single cent spent the whole night through!!!
I have the greatest bestest best friend in the whole wide world!!!!!!
Thanks CnC!!!
Here's to the good times!!! Cheers!!!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Between Fierce Allegiance and Deepening Desire
The group which I used to dance with/for when I was in the capital city during my undergraduate days is coming to the island. They would be performing for an event held at the faint imitation of the world renown Times Square in the Big Apple (don't get me wrong, I love my homeland but I feel it's just unintelligent to copy names in hopes of making it seem monumental; I'd say half of the island's population and at least a fourth of the people whom frequent the venue do not know what 'Times Square' represents). I was invited to perform as well.
Here's the thing, the dance school I am affiliated with are rather strict when it comes to their students performing outside the capacity the school allows them to. We're not allowed to use any part of the songs, and or, choreography to perform on our own unless approved by the institution and the teacher alike.
Yes, no problem, given the fact that the choreography which has been suggested by the 'ex'-dance group's creative director has got nothing to do with my dance school or its productions. The problem is, the piece has a semi-classical flair to it; involving classical dance costumes and using of the dancing bells. Hence, potentially problematic because I do not want to be accused of melodramatic charges for treason.
Indian classical dance has got a staunch upholding of the guru-sishya parampara (literally meaning, teacher-student tradition). This particular dance school more than any other (almost more than any other), enforces it, and if I may say so, fiercely. Wearing dancing bells and performing on stage without the consent of my teacher would mean, to a certain level, treachery (rather blown out of proportions but yes, more or less, to be crude; treachery). A student with ignorance for his/her guru's approval is seen ill-fitting of learning the art. This is no exaggeration!
So what do I do...??? An inner dilemma tearing me apart. A part of me wanting to avoid asking my teacher as it may suggest my tendency (no matter how trivial) for being rebellious. A trait that may be, in future scenarios, come off as a lack of discipline, arrogance even. The other half however, wants to adorn the costumes and dancing bells so badly as this chance may well take a year after the end of September (Navarathri) to come if I were to continue expressing my fierce allegiance to the dance school. The ensuing one being the 2012 Navarathri!!!
What does one do???
At times like these, I wish I was still in the capital city...
Here's the thing, the dance school I am affiliated with are rather strict when it comes to their students performing outside the capacity the school allows them to. We're not allowed to use any part of the songs, and or, choreography to perform on our own unless approved by the institution and the teacher alike.
Yes, no problem, given the fact that the choreography which has been suggested by the 'ex'-dance group's creative director has got nothing to do with my dance school or its productions. The problem is, the piece has a semi-classical flair to it; involving classical dance costumes and using of the dancing bells. Hence, potentially problematic because I do not want to be accused of melodramatic charges for treason.
Indian classical dance has got a staunch upholding of the guru-sishya parampara (literally meaning, teacher-student tradition). This particular dance school more than any other (almost more than any other), enforces it, and if I may say so, fiercely. Wearing dancing bells and performing on stage without the consent of my teacher would mean, to a certain level, treachery (rather blown out of proportions but yes, more or less, to be crude; treachery). A student with ignorance for his/her guru's approval is seen ill-fitting of learning the art. This is no exaggeration!
So what do I do...??? An inner dilemma tearing me apart. A part of me wanting to avoid asking my teacher as it may suggest my tendency (no matter how trivial) for being rebellious. A trait that may be, in future scenarios, come off as a lack of discipline, arrogance even. The other half however, wants to adorn the costumes and dancing bells so badly as this chance may well take a year after the end of September (Navarathri) to come if I were to continue expressing my fierce allegiance to the dance school. The ensuing one being the 2012 Navarathri!!!
What does one do???
At times like these, I wish I was still in the capital city...
Monday, August 22, 2011
Tamil Classes and Nike
The High Priest is attending language classes; Tamil! What a happy surprise!!!
Inevitably my thoughts projected to a classroom full of seniors being taught Tamil alphabets using a blackboard writing down sentences constructed with at most 5 words a row; each alphabet written down big and clear akin to flashcards toddlers are accustomed to. A funny picture that was, particularly when I pictured my father among them.
Having spotted a clearance sale on a bunting banner for brands usually flashing extravagantly (for me at least) priced trainers I dragged my brother to hunt down a possible pair I could wear to jog. Lo and behold, I found it! Putting it to the test soon to see if the good stuff really makes a difference.
Inevitably my thoughts projected to a classroom full of seniors being taught Tamil alphabets using a blackboard writing down sentences constructed with at most 5 words a row; each alphabet written down big and clear akin to flashcards toddlers are accustomed to. A funny picture that was, particularly when I pictured my father among them.
Courtesy of http://www.saivam.org.uk/
Having spotted a clearance sale on a bunting banner for brands usually flashing extravagantly (for me at least) priced trainers I dragged my brother to hunt down a possible pair I could wear to jog. Lo and behold, I found it! Putting it to the test soon to see if the good stuff really makes a difference.
Sunday, August 07, 2011
Deception and Innovation
Deception, one of man's most lethal weapon and also his most powerful tool. Deception comes in many forms, its utmost effective semblance and tool of execution being persuasion. If you have that power then anything you desire becomes easy to grasp. Methods of persuasion include sex, money, power, love (owh yes, very crude but you and I know it's possible) and a myriad of others which, if broken down to its bare essentials, come down the four aforementioned.
Deception; mass deception; corrupt politicians against people to fulfill their personal agenda;
as a concerned citizen, I feel it's time I hopped on the bandwagon and write about this current predicament of our country from my point of view. Well-known are the details of the happenings of the 9th of July incident, even better documented are the truths and the untruths of it. Looking at the goals of the movement, it becomes clear that the board of people 'entrusted' with the responsibility of running the country are in hot soup. Certainly there must be something they're doing or otherwise that has lead to this outrage. But then again, there isn't much we can do as individuals unless of course we are, specifically, individuals with political power. The question here isn't if this flow of events would cause a revolution, the question here is what we, as society can actually do to ensure change. We, the society, are the ones whom have bestowed the power upon whomever it is that are governing our every day lives in the country. Democracy is ultimately our single, most opportune chance at making a difference. Let's all embrace and exercise it. I for one have decided to not sit in ignorance. I shall march when it matters most to make my stand as an individual to exercise the power of people's suffrage; the general elections.
Deception; using sex.
Although this has been so often related to the XX gene, I beg to differ. Of course, why wouldn't I? And I am sure all the queer males of the world would be with me on this. I have literally seen what deception through sex can do. And trust me, when used properly and perfectly, it gives a person such an unshakable aptitude to sublimely manipulate his/her target. I've had one personal experience at practising this particular tool of deception, which allowed me access to the most influential people in my social circle allowing me to squeeze every last possible drop of satisfaction from toying with them.
Deception; with the power of one's position in any given situation.
It's very simply the use of a certain influential position one has acquired to get away with a motive (be it in a company, in a given circle of people, or even in a family). The simplest of scenario would be a family; the youngest gets away with anything, don't you just hate that? Oh the pleasures of being pampered because you're the apple of your parents' eyes!!!
Deception; $$$!!!
Money to deceive, well, we all know what that represents!
Deception; that four letter word!
Love, owh yes, that rare and elusive tool of deception. Executed flawlessly, this evokes the deepest effect onto anyone being deceived. Yes, yes, I agree, if love was used for deception, then it isn't really love. Although, how if one was never aware of its doing; to bend a person's will using love to blind him/her to the obvious. Isn't that what deception is, even if it was done unknowingly? Isn't all that unreal now is it?
I got to thinking about deception because deception, in my point of view, is somewhat a misunderstood term. Deception is after all a way to make things seem, well, in a way it isn't. Misunderstood because, innovation, is above all the cleverest means of deception. One thing said in many different manners can bring about totally different views and innovation, is a way of tweaking something and making it fresh and new, in other words, not what it was/is. Deception and innovation are in many ways similar. And just like sexy and slutty, both stand very close to either side of a border.
All because I wonder, do I deceive or am I innovative? How do justify it?
Deception; mass deception; corrupt politicians against people to fulfill their personal agenda;
as a concerned citizen, I feel it's time I hopped on the bandwagon and write about this current predicament of our country from my point of view. Well-known are the details of the happenings of the 9th of July incident, even better documented are the truths and the untruths of it. Looking at the goals of the movement, it becomes clear that the board of people 'entrusted' with the responsibility of running the country are in hot soup. Certainly there must be something they're doing or otherwise that has lead to this outrage. But then again, there isn't much we can do as individuals unless of course we are, specifically, individuals with political power. The question here isn't if this flow of events would cause a revolution, the question here is what we, as society can actually do to ensure change. We, the society, are the ones whom have bestowed the power upon whomever it is that are governing our every day lives in the country. Democracy is ultimately our single, most opportune chance at making a difference. Let's all embrace and exercise it. I for one have decided to not sit in ignorance. I shall march when it matters most to make my stand as an individual to exercise the power of people's suffrage; the general elections.
Deception; using sex.
Although this has been so often related to the XX gene, I beg to differ. Of course, why wouldn't I? And I am sure all the queer males of the world would be with me on this. I have literally seen what deception through sex can do. And trust me, when used properly and perfectly, it gives a person such an unshakable aptitude to sublimely manipulate his/her target. I've had one personal experience at practising this particular tool of deception, which allowed me access to the most influential people in my social circle allowing me to squeeze every last possible drop of satisfaction from toying with them.
Deception; with the power of one's position in any given situation.
It's very simply the use of a certain influential position one has acquired to get away with a motive (be it in a company, in a given circle of people, or even in a family). The simplest of scenario would be a family; the youngest gets away with anything, don't you just hate that? Oh the pleasures of being pampered because you're the apple of your parents' eyes!!!
Deception; $$$!!!
Money to deceive, well, we all know what that represents!
Deception; that four letter word!
Love, owh yes, that rare and elusive tool of deception. Executed flawlessly, this evokes the deepest effect onto anyone being deceived. Yes, yes, I agree, if love was used for deception, then it isn't really love. Although, how if one was never aware of its doing; to bend a person's will using love to blind him/her to the obvious. Isn't that what deception is, even if it was done unknowingly? Isn't all that unreal now is it?
I got to thinking about deception because deception, in my point of view, is somewhat a misunderstood term. Deception is after all a way to make things seem, well, in a way it isn't. Misunderstood because, innovation, is above all the cleverest means of deception. One thing said in many different manners can bring about totally different views and innovation, is a way of tweaking something and making it fresh and new, in other words, not what it was/is. Deception and innovation are in many ways similar. And just like sexy and slutty, both stand very close to either side of a border.
All because I wonder, do I deceive or am I innovative? How do justify it?
Monday, August 01, 2011
Blog Title Changed... Yet Again...
I realised this is as apt as it can get...
Just me...
What I think, feel and experience...
Thursday, June 30, 2011
My Dancing Bells
Picture courtesy of Mei Mei akka!!!
Took out my dancing dancing bells.
Fastened it around my ankle for a spin.
Felt so great.
My dancing bells aren't yet blessed.
Yes, in Indian classical dance, a dancer does not perform for auspicious occasions like Navarathri, Sivarathri, for poojas and in temples unless they have dancing bells that have been blessed by an initiation.
Maybe that's why mine doesn't sound so enthusiastic.
But it felt good nevertheless.
Danced, in the comforts of my room, to a piece that is supposed to be performed by my classmates and me for Navarathri this year.
Hopefully our guru would initiate us and allow us the privilege of using the dancing bells the next time we perform...
Can't wait...
As days draw nearer.
My heart longs more and more....
Monday, June 27, 2011
Worth Telling
I am sharing a baratanatyam rehearsal video of a performance very recently held in the capital city.
The piece is performed by (including the three male dancers in the video) a total of 6 Indian classical dancers, established in baratanatyam.
The intriguing thing about the performance is that, 3 of the dancers aren't even Indians. One of the male dancers is French and of Cambodian Chinese lineage whom has established a niche for himself in the Indian classical dance scene with credibility around the world. The other two dancers are Malays; one female and one male.
I know that the instinctive thing to do would be to compare them to Guru Ramli Ibrahim but then again, Guru Ramli is accomplished, well-known and very synonymous with Indian classical dance; his immense contribution in the process of bringing Indian classical dance to whole new level, dimension and reverence, applaud-worthy.
These people however are fresh raw talent and this small video only left me speechless! To be able to dance alongside dancers like Geethashankaran Lam, Parveen Nair, Uday Win Thang and Hemananthini, one has to be equals to whom are revered, respected and highly esteemed. Their larger than life talents are so intimidating that one humbly receives the honour of even being associated with them, what more being able to dance alongside them. I can only imagine the amount of desire and push the two new'er' dancers possess to undertake such a feat and receive such a blessing nevertheless.
Hats off to Aswara, one of the nation's most promising dance schools, from which astonishing dancers, performers and artists are created, nurtured and exposed.
I am now more than ever convinced to work my ass off for odissi!!!
Friday, June 24, 2011
To Give Love A Chance...
I am hooked on to a song I recently came across.
It's from this new Tamil movie, 180 Rules Kidaiyathu (translated, There're No 180 Rules).
Nee korinaal vaanam maaratha;
Thinam theeramaleh megam tuuratha...
Translated;
If you require, even the skies could change;
The clouds would drop rain everyday, without halt (not so good for society, for floods may befall)...
Those words were serenaded with a lovely raag (melody) and a captivating harmony. My heart skipped a beat when I nonchalantly clicked to check out the movie trailer. Immediately looked for the song online.
I've probably listened to it 50 times by now (maybe more; downloaded it earlier today) and still loving it. The song is actually playing as I type this. I am a person whose nostalgic senses are piqued by two things; smells and songs. Certain scents (or odours) send me back to the times when that particular sensation was heightened through a significant event (for instance, Mr. P's body odour and if I smell it on anyone else, just an example; the most pertinent and provoking one, thus, easily conceived). Songs; I've always had an attachment to songs that represent me, my relationships, my passions and my loves, throughout the years. I hold them close to my heart. This isn't groundbreaking is it? Well, this is me, and I guess I can't help it if I am stereotypical in this sense can I?
So this song just crept into me. And I realised, I am actually enjoying it; a love song. Epiphany moment!!! I was smiling and melting under the starry night sky with the song on repeat. Then it hits me; I thought I would never enjoy love songs like this ever again. Even if I did, I thought it would be in a very desolate manner.
Here's what I think is going on in my mind and hopefully in my heart. Married Man and the not-so-happy ending kept flashing on and off in my head whilst drowning in the melody. I guess if it flourished he was a man I could have been very hopelessly in love with. Indeed, Mr. P would have been just a scar, a reminder. Now, since (even if) Married Man did not happen, I guess me, myself and I are ready to give love a chance...
How bad can it get?
I've walked out of the life of a man whom wanted me; the very man I loved.
I've walked over suicide and depression.
What could be worse???
It's from this new Tamil movie, 180 Rules Kidaiyathu (translated, There're No 180 Rules).
Nee korinaal vaanam maaratha;
Thinam theeramaleh megam tuuratha...
Translated;
If you require, even the skies could change;
The clouds would drop rain everyday, without halt (not so good for society, for floods may befall)...
Those words were serenaded with a lovely raag (melody) and a captivating harmony. My heart skipped a beat when I nonchalantly clicked to check out the movie trailer. Immediately looked for the song online.
I've probably listened to it 50 times by now (maybe more; downloaded it earlier today) and still loving it. The song is actually playing as I type this. I am a person whose nostalgic senses are piqued by two things; smells and songs. Certain scents (or odours) send me back to the times when that particular sensation was heightened through a significant event (for instance, Mr. P's body odour and if I smell it on anyone else, just an example; the most pertinent and provoking one, thus, easily conceived). Songs; I've always had an attachment to songs that represent me, my relationships, my passions and my loves, throughout the years. I hold them close to my heart. This isn't groundbreaking is it? Well, this is me, and I guess I can't help it if I am stereotypical in this sense can I?
So this song just crept into me. And I realised, I am actually enjoying it; a love song. Epiphany moment!!! I was smiling and melting under the starry night sky with the song on repeat. Then it hits me; I thought I would never enjoy love songs like this ever again. Even if I did, I thought it would be in a very desolate manner.
Here's what I think is going on in my mind and hopefully in my heart. Married Man and the not-so-happy ending kept flashing on and off in my head whilst drowning in the melody. I guess if it flourished he was a man I could have been very hopelessly in love with. Indeed, Mr. P would have been just a scar, a reminder. Now, since (even if) Married Man did not happen, I guess me, myself and I are ready to give love a chance...
How bad can it get?
I've walked out of the life of a man whom wanted me; the very man I loved.
I've walked over suicide and depression.
What could be worse???
Monday, June 13, 2011
Some people can be so daft!!!
With regards to my previous post, mom, dad and yours truly attended the wedding dinner, and, on the correct date!!! Hallelujah!!! The poor thing was so disturbed she didn't use the saree she originally did on the faulty event...
The past few weeks have been filled with weddings, relatives abuzz and multiple dates with people... My roomie, friends from the lab, friends from other social circles, my brother, my cousins. And here I thought I had no life!!! You know what they say, be careful what you wish for.
Dancing has been oh-so-wonderful, with training commencing for the 9 nights festival which in this particular state in Malaysia is rather celebrated. The coincidental clashing of the two festivals (the one of the Hindus and the one of the Chinese) makes it an even more sight to behold, especially the colourful Chinese procession alongside the exuberant Hindu temples adorned for this celebration of the Gods and Goddesses. Personally, Navarathri (9 nights) this year for me bears all the more significance, because it represents my first performance with my dance school and a proper recognition of an Indian classical dancer (man, I never get tired of repeating that). I am sky-rocketting through in classes, being ahead of many intermediate and on par with the advanced level dancers there; very much the beginner with just 6 months of experience. It has been truly a blessing. To be able to train with one of the country's finest.
The more I attend weddings, the more I am reluctant to believe that this notion about romantic love being such a force to reckon with. Utter bullshit!!! Relationships have crumbled before my very eyes and even if people get together, 'for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us apart', none of this wows made have been upheld. And even if they were, compromising one's self is synonymous with being in a marriage or a relationship for that matter. A dream relationship is like hitting a sublimely ripe mango on the top-most branch of a tree with one stone. Most people fail at it. But then, many people just settle with whatever that falls onto them because society sees the need to own a 'mango' as an obligatory list of being human. The society I live in at least. If two people cannot find common grounds then why even bother reaching for the mango??? Love??? Which is why I have come to resent this!!! Seeing couples hating life but just pulling themselves together for this elusive reason is rather infuriating. WHY??? Is love for one person all that worth? I doubt that, having been through it myself... Monumental are those so-called made in heaven matches that I respect, with all my heart, the immaculately flawless nature of their relationship. But why step into matrimony??? How can two people take wows of death do us apart when all that would require to do them apart is something as simple as another human being or some legal papers, both parties sign to separate on the basis of irreconcilable differences??? Hypocrisy hasn't seemed to real to me. More so, when I know of people whom I have slept with that are now regularly sleeping with one person to the eye of the society and sleeping with many others in my personal 'eye of knowledge'. Set aside those people whom are deluded by love, how about people whose insatiable libido takes them outside the marriage and into another's biological canal (and vice-versa)? I stay baffled. And all I have been doing in the past few months attending these events are eye-rolls that could make me dizzy and faux nausea reflexes that could easily equal the real effect. Don't get me wrong, LOVE, as intangible as it is, is real. I don't hate LOVE, I resent those whom tarnish it.
On a lighter note, Mr. P recently tried contacting me as he was in town and wanted to meet up... I declined and continued ignoring his calls and messages. The next day, Confused Gal calls me and asks me what the hell was going on. Apparently, she was receiving the frustration blows of not having met me or rather pretending to ignore what has happened between us, from Mr. P. And I laughed, hard and long!!! He was doing what he used to do with me, with her. Ok, this is what used to happen a year ago (used to because it has happened countless times albeit difference in content);
Mr. P: Did you talk to Confused Gal? What did she say?
Hdaran: She said that she cannot possibly consider a relationship with you because she can't seem to forget the things that have occurred in the past.
Mr. P: Ok, now call her and talk to her. Ask her this, 'the things that have occurred in the past, whose fault was it?? If she had not done all the things she did, we wouldn't be in this situation right?' But make sure you ask her as if you are asking her. Not like I directed you to ask her.
Hdaran: OK.
(Hdaran continues to do as told. Wait, let's be polite, Hdaran continues to do as 'requested'.)
And now he has probably requested her to ask me why I was avoiding him because Confused Gal's sentence began something like this;
Confused Gal: Senior, I wanna ask you. What's the problem between you and senior P??? I am asking this because I wanted to know for myself.
Hdaran: *laughs uncontrollably, very much aloud* You think I am that stupid to not know that Mr. P asked you to do this???
Confused Gal: No senior, I am asking on my behalf, seriously.
Hdaran: *continues to laugh* Ok, if 'you' must know, then here is what I have to say. Whatever has happened, who, where, when, what, and how, Mr. P knows. Ask him not to pretend otherwise and tell him I told you this. For the next year or two, I will not meet him or talk to him. We'll see... in a year or two, possibly, we may speak. Until then, no, definitely not. I will not meet or talk to him.
I think Mr. P's chapter in my life is done, and this time, I am so certain that I feel have never been more certain about something in my entire life!!!
The past few weeks have been filled with weddings, relatives abuzz and multiple dates with people... My roomie, friends from the lab, friends from other social circles, my brother, my cousins. And here I thought I had no life!!! You know what they say, be careful what you wish for.
Dancing has been oh-so-wonderful, with training commencing for the 9 nights festival which in this particular state in Malaysia is rather celebrated. The coincidental clashing of the two festivals (the one of the Hindus and the one of the Chinese) makes it an even more sight to behold, especially the colourful Chinese procession alongside the exuberant Hindu temples adorned for this celebration of the Gods and Goddesses. Personally, Navarathri (9 nights) this year for me bears all the more significance, because it represents my first performance with my dance school and a proper recognition of an Indian classical dancer (man, I never get tired of repeating that). I am sky-rocketting through in classes, being ahead of many intermediate and on par with the advanced level dancers there; very much the beginner with just 6 months of experience. It has been truly a blessing. To be able to train with one of the country's finest.
The more I attend weddings, the more I am reluctant to believe that this notion about romantic love being such a force to reckon with. Utter bullshit!!! Relationships have crumbled before my very eyes and even if people get together, 'for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us apart', none of this wows made have been upheld. And even if they were, compromising one's self is synonymous with being in a marriage or a relationship for that matter. A dream relationship is like hitting a sublimely ripe mango on the top-most branch of a tree with one stone. Most people fail at it. But then, many people just settle with whatever that falls onto them because society sees the need to own a 'mango' as an obligatory list of being human. The society I live in at least. If two people cannot find common grounds then why even bother reaching for the mango??? Love??? Which is why I have come to resent this!!! Seeing couples hating life but just pulling themselves together for this elusive reason is rather infuriating. WHY??? Is love for one person all that worth? I doubt that, having been through it myself... Monumental are those so-called made in heaven matches that I respect, with all my heart, the immaculately flawless nature of their relationship. But why step into matrimony??? How can two people take wows of death do us apart when all that would require to do them apart is something as simple as another human being or some legal papers, both parties sign to separate on the basis of irreconcilable differences??? Hypocrisy hasn't seemed to real to me. More so, when I know of people whom I have slept with that are now regularly sleeping with one person to the eye of the society and sleeping with many others in my personal 'eye of knowledge'. Set aside those people whom are deluded by love, how about people whose insatiable libido takes them outside the marriage and into another's biological canal (and vice-versa)? I stay baffled. And all I have been doing in the past few months attending these events are eye-rolls that could make me dizzy and faux nausea reflexes that could easily equal the real effect. Don't get me wrong, LOVE, as intangible as it is, is real. I don't hate LOVE, I resent those whom tarnish it.
On a lighter note, Mr. P recently tried contacting me as he was in town and wanted to meet up... I declined and continued ignoring his calls and messages. The next day, Confused Gal calls me and asks me what the hell was going on. Apparently, she was receiving the frustration blows of not having met me or rather pretending to ignore what has happened between us, from Mr. P. And I laughed, hard and long!!! He was doing what he used to do with me, with her. Ok, this is what used to happen a year ago (used to because it has happened countless times albeit difference in content);
Mr. P: Did you talk to Confused Gal? What did she say?
Hdaran: She said that she cannot possibly consider a relationship with you because she can't seem to forget the things that have occurred in the past.
Mr. P: Ok, now call her and talk to her. Ask her this, 'the things that have occurred in the past, whose fault was it?? If she had not done all the things she did, we wouldn't be in this situation right?' But make sure you ask her as if you are asking her. Not like I directed you to ask her.
Hdaran: OK.
(Hdaran continues to do as told. Wait, let's be polite, Hdaran continues to do as 'requested'.)
And now he has probably requested her to ask me why I was avoiding him because Confused Gal's sentence began something like this;
Confused Gal: Senior, I wanna ask you. What's the problem between you and senior P??? I am asking this because I wanted to know for myself.
Hdaran: *laughs uncontrollably, very much aloud* You think I am that stupid to not know that Mr. P asked you to do this???
Confused Gal: No senior, I am asking on my behalf, seriously.
Hdaran: *continues to laugh* Ok, if 'you' must know, then here is what I have to say. Whatever has happened, who, where, when, what, and how, Mr. P knows. Ask him not to pretend otherwise and tell him I told you this. For the next year or two, I will not meet him or talk to him. We'll see... in a year or two, possibly, we may speak. Until then, no, definitely not. I will not meet or talk to him.
I think Mr. P's chapter in my life is done, and this time, I am so certain that I feel have never been more certain about something in my entire life!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)