2010; That's A Wrap!!!

Half of 2009 and 2010 has been, without doubt the worst years of my entire life!!!

Having found (or maybe not) and lost (all the more) love, sitting idle for 6 months, weighing between going to work and my M.Sc. application not coming through, forgetting Mr.P and all the in between times I did sway back and forth with my feelings for him. My family in the lowest of lows, financially (especially) when my brother went and got the car literally squished like an empty can. My brother constantly gallivanting with what was already mere pittance. My mother's possessive attitude ultimately leading in my detriment and my father's indifferent coupled with his occasional patronising remarks about how I was just sitting around all day doing nothing. The entry of my brother's better half (not so better anymore) into the family shoving me into nights in the living room with mosquito bites, the dog howling and tolerating bouts of hot stifling weathers. My ever so temperamental weight loss journey; I looked smashing sometimes and I looked horrid a lot of times. My studies; so much journal reading and still being clueless with protocols. Friendships tested, suicide attempts, money wasted, worthless trips made, indigestion problems (I had to let go of spicy food and anything that gave me gas, oy, I sound like grandma Yetta from The Nanny), quitting smoking, agonising hangovers, being broke, backbreaking household chores (Diwali cleaning), etc. These two years have been the absolute worst case scenarios for me! 

But one, and probably the best thing that has happened to me so far was that revelation about God. As a child, somehow, I was inculcated with the idea that God exists and He is the most powerful thing, surpassing the Universe and representing ultimate power, omniscience, and indestructibility. I used to have visions of God at times and I even used to cry for Him, weep to see Him because I felt so attached to Him. I used to scribble, again and again, sketches of Durga and Kali and read and re-read so many tales of Gods and Goddesses. Although I didn't comprehend the gist of those books as much as I wanted to, all I knew is God is there and I wanted Him. All that ceased to grow as I grew up. All of that became just another belief, another vague possibility; nothing more than something to respect and adhere to.

Well, anyway, 2009 and 2010; I know I will not miss these two years. But they would be greatly remembered because of the clichéd learning experience one associates with mishaps. Likewise so did I; learn.

That Karma will bite you; let's leave good deeds being noticed aside, no bad deed goes unpunished.

That the 20's are not the time of your life where you should have fun; I did, and I regret.

That time passed is not so much a waste; a life passed is much more justified waste and also because everything takes time, life is transitional and those who appreciate time would also know that nothing should be done in a haste.

That the World is heading in the wrong direction; I can't believe I am saying this but yes, people are not only selfish, they are becoming promiscuous, hedonistic, ignorant and greedy. You do see an occasional few whom are praise-worthy but the lot is definitely on the verge of destructive semblances.

That bigotry is as incurable as interminable diseases are; I've began to sympathise, those whom take to it.

That desires leave room for nothing but hurt; Buddha was right.

That painless and blissful are the silent times I dwell in thoughts of God; I am praying for all the obstacles be removed so that I can concentrate on this.

That the phrase Love is God is probably the most misinterpreted phrase in the world; loving one person or a group of people is a misrepresentation of true love. Love everything, God is everything, love is everything. God IS Love.

That through dancing I can channel my energy and love for God; desiring dancing is nothing more than a way to achieve the union of the Soul and the Spirit.

2011 is a must see.

To each his own,

But also true,

That phrase renown,

The Sea is; when rivers are through.

-Hdaran 2010