Reality Check; The AWESOME Sort!!!

So after dance classes yesterday the senior trainer of my dance school for the odissi repertoire approached me and in low, almost obscure tones, the following conversation took place;

Trainer: Hdaran, you please help me la ok? I want to make sure you all do well for Navarathri. You must really push them and make sure they do their chawkas and banghis properly.
Hdaran: Sure akka (elder sister in Tamil), no problem.
Trainer: Actually, I want to pull you and Cheetah Girl #2 for performances later. You got a lot of potential, no need saying and Cheetah Girl #2 does as well. 
Hdaran: *nods*
Trainer: We've got a lot of upcoming performances and I want you both to also perform. There's one on the 29th of October. 
Hdaran: Owh! *nods wildly*
Trainer: I want both of you to learn Moksha by then. I actually had a performance team but sometimes you know la, that day also this girl backed out because of fever. Cheetah Girl #2 got a potential but you must help me push her la. She has to be pushed so she can do well. Ok?
Hdaran: Ok akka, sure no problem.


As swiftly and as unanticipated as she came, the news bearer scurried off for her dance practice. I stood my ground literally blinking over and over again several times before I realised this wasn't the first good news of the week. I was already asked to oversee the practice of the younger dancers from the intermediate class. ME, training students ahead of me in duration of training. BY MY TEACHER!!!

The news didn't really sit well with me primarily because it seemed so surreal.

#1 Indian classical dance has been a lifelong dream of mine. (I want to say it again ok!!!!)

#2 I am finally a classical dancer, in all its glory! (No, will N-E-V-E-R get tired of saying it!!!)

#3 I am performing for Navarathri with blessed dancing bells (the signature of a true Indian classical dancer).

#4 I get to perform with a dance school that has been revered for it's involvement in the Indian classical arts for decades!!!

I questioned myself for days, is this really happening??? Is it??? I am going to be performing??? With my dance school???!!!!

Someone pinch me, and pinch me hard!!!

To Durai

To Durai,

One of my recent status on FB reads....

"It's so sad to see the physically disabled. But then again they're the ones whom appreciate life more than any of us! I'm ashamed because I have, in the past, taken that God given gift called life so easily. Never again!"

And this is a tribute to you, someone I first had a love-hate feeling towards which turned into utter admiration.
Durai, the blogger whom called himself a 'macha' and not afraid to say it (not an insult in any way)!

The latest post on Raged Indian;

http://ragedindian.com/2011/09/14/dribble-through-trouble/

Hats off my friend! Am grateful to have stumbled upon your blog!!!

I am leaving my worries behind, no more Mr. P (last time you'd hear of this name here), no more complaints, no more regrets.

Sincerely,

Hdaran.

Happy Birthday

Yesterday was Hdaran's birthday!

Happy Birthday Hdaran...

It's hoped in this turning of a new age that a new spirit for life itself is seeded!!!

I Say Nothing

With just two days left, I am in a state of denial to the course my life has taken.

Here's me breaking out of being in denial.

#1 I am back to my old size, a size 38 pair of denims are the only other thing besides another pair of cotton pants that fit me now. Sounds trivial. But like most obese people, there are so many underlying emotions involved.

#2 I keep trying to blame everything else for this predicament but I have come into terms that it was indeed my doing. My fears, my insecurities, my inabilities, my shortcomings.

#3 I procrastinate which has kept me away from many things I could have sorted out in my life. Everything in my life would have been better had I done it WHEN it should have been done.

In less than half a decade I'd be midlife. All that's left is but a few more years to not regret an eternity of selling myself short to myself.

In the past, I have had said many things to motivate myself and I've said it with conviction.

Now they all seem juvenile for most of it has become nothing but mere words.

I've decided to say nothing.

And do everything.

The One Bad Thing About Sex!

The one bad thing about sex is when you've had it, you keep going to it for more!!! Crazy Soldier told me someone finally broke into his 'merchandise'! The boy's definitely going back for more!!! HAHAHA!!!

Good day people!!!

The Good Times

Saturday, 27th August, 12.30 am onward

Matrimony of a certain someone took me 200 kms away from home to a small town in the neighbouring state. It was a friend of Gdaran's from his days in polytechnic whom incidentally was tying the knot with a junior of mine. I personally had no close ties to this junior of mine; it was just another favour for Gdaran. The good thing however was the fact that his friends and I were previously introduced last year when we traveled to Port Dickson for an overnight stay; alcohol, beach, unhealthy munchies and all!

We were ahead of the rest and was taken to a nearby dorm-cum-motel to freshen up and get some rest. It was decent and comfortable with air conditioning. Upon arrival, the alcohol sloshing almost immediately began and it lasted way up to the next night. This was the first time I have been under the influence of alcohol for more than 24 straight hours, the buzz, not once wearing off. It all somehow felt blithe because they reminded me of my boys back in uni; a similar collection of loud, funny, carefree, and hopeless bunch of morons. It stroke a chord in me; time and choices may take one far from where he/she started, but for the sake of the good times, everything else becomes trivial in comparison. Disheartening is the fact  that good times don't last but I relish that they would come along over and over again for me to cherish.

Monday, 29th August, 11.30 pm onward

I was out with Gdaran for our occasional routine go at the pool table along with two other of his friends when someone popped back in my life. One guess who. Right across the table, just as I was about to try and salvage my hopeless streak of unfortunate faults that night, this slim figure of dark complexion and well toned arms, hat in place, goatee trimmed to accentuate an already sharp angular face, manifested. Immediately, I felt this huge punch in my gut, adrenaline gushed in and took over no sooner than I had thrust the cue stick upon the cue ball. At that moment, I understood what it was like to want to run in the opposite direction when you stumble upon an ex. I held my ground anyway, and did the only sane thing I could think of, text-SOS my friends for help. Dear Teddy replied assuring me that I had nothing to worry about. Just as I expected, Mr P and I ignored each other. He was long gone before I decided to pry on the adjacent table but seeing that empty table brought me back to life akin to being resuscitated via a defibrillator. I resumed the rest of the night winning two frames of the 3 frames game we played. 

Tuesday, 30th August, 7.30 pm onward

Cookies and Cakes is back from the capital city and he brought along the ultimate accessory!!! (Sorry CnC, I don't wanna be so jaded but I guess you would understand for now.) Giggly Mellie was the fourth lively addition to a Chinese steamboat dinner, a sit-down pastry dessert explosion and a late night social accompaniment of Paulhaner, draught, and cider. 

Surprise surprise, I got a Fossil watch for a birthday gift!!!

And not a single cent spent the whole night through!!!

I have the greatest bestest best friend in the whole wide world!!!!!!

Thanks CnC!!!

Here's to the good times!!! Cheers!!!

Between Fierce Allegiance and Deepening Desire

The group which I used to dance with/for when I was in the capital city during my undergraduate days is coming to the island. They would be performing for an event held at the faint imitation of the world renown Times Square in the Big Apple (don't get me wrong, I love my homeland but I feel it's just unintelligent to copy names in hopes of making it seem monumental; I'd say half of the island's population and at least a fourth of the people whom frequent the venue do not know what 'Times Square' represents). I was invited to perform as well.

Here's the thing, the dance school I am affiliated with are rather strict when it comes to their students performing outside the capacity the school allows them to. We're not allowed to use any part of the songs, and or, choreography to perform on our own unless approved by the institution and the teacher alike.

Yes, no problem, given the fact that the choreography which has been suggested by the 'ex'-dance group's creative director has got nothing to do with my dance school or its productions. The problem is, the piece has a semi-classical flair to it; involving classical dance costumes and using of the dancing bells. Hence, potentially problematic because I do not want to be accused of melodramatic charges for treason.

Indian classical dance has got a staunch upholding of the guru-sishya parampara (literally meaning, teacher-student tradition). This particular dance school more than any other (almost more than any other), enforces it, and if I may say so, fiercely. Wearing dancing bells and performing on stage without the consent of my teacher would mean, to a certain level, treachery (rather blown out of proportions but yes, more or less, to be crude; treachery). A student with ignorance for his/her guru's approval is seen ill-fitting of learning the art. This is no exaggeration!

So what do I do...??? An inner dilemma tearing me apart. A part of me wanting to avoid asking my teacher as it may suggest my tendency (no matter how trivial) for being rebellious. A trait that may be, in future scenarios, come off as a lack of discipline, arrogance even. The other half however, wants to adorn the costumes and dancing bells so badly as this chance may well take a year after the end of September (Navarathri) to come if I were to continue expressing my fierce allegiance to the dance school. The ensuing one being the 2012 Navarathri!!!

What does one do???

At times like these, I wish I was still in the capital city...

Tamil Classes and Nike

The High Priest is attending language classes; Tamil! What a happy surprise!!!

Inevitably my thoughts projected to a classroom full of seniors being taught Tamil alphabets using a blackboard writing down sentences constructed with at most 5 words a row; each alphabet written down big and clear akin to flashcards toddlers are accustomed to. A funny picture that was, particularly when I pictured my father among them.

Courtesy of http://www.saivam.org.uk/

Having spotted a clearance sale on a bunting banner for brands usually flashing extravagantly (for me at least) priced trainers I dragged my brother to hunt down a possible pair I could wear to jog. Lo and behold, I found it! Putting it to the test soon to see if the good stuff really makes a difference.

Deception and Innovation

Deception, one of man's most lethal weapon and also his most powerful tool. Deception comes in many forms, its utmost effective semblance and tool of execution being persuasion. If you have that power then anything you desire becomes easy to grasp. Methods of persuasion include sex, money, power, love (owh yes, very crude but you and I know it's possible) and a myriad of others which, if broken down to its bare essentials, come down the four aforementioned.

Deception; mass deception; corrupt politicians against people to fulfill their personal agenda;

as a concerned citizen, I feel it's time I hopped on the bandwagon and write about this current predicament of our country from my point of view. Well-known are the details of the happenings of the 9th of July incident, even better documented are the truths and the untruths of it. Looking at the goals of the movement, it becomes clear that the board of people 'entrusted' with the responsibility of running the country are in hot soup. Certainly there must be something they're doing or otherwise that has lead to this outrage. But then again, there isn't much we can do as individuals unless of course we are, specifically, individuals with political power. The question here isn't if this flow of events would cause a revolution, the question here is what we, as society can actually do to ensure change. We, the society, are the ones whom have bestowed the power upon whomever it is that are governing our every day lives in the country. Democracy is ultimately our single, most opportune chance at making a difference. Let's all embrace and exercise it. I for one have decided to not sit in ignorance. I shall march when it matters most to make my stand as an individual to exercise the power of people's suffrage; the general elections.

Deception; using sex.

Although this has been so often related to the XX gene, I beg to differ. Of course, why wouldn't I? And I am sure all the queer males of the world would be with me on this. I have literally seen what deception through sex can do. And trust me, when used properly and perfectly, it gives a person such an unshakable aptitude to sublimely manipulate his/her target. I've had one personal experience at practising this particular tool of deception, which allowed me access to the most influential people in my social circle allowing me to squeeze every last possible drop of satisfaction from toying with them.

Deception; with the power of one's position in any given situation.

It's very simply the use of a certain influential position one has acquired to get away with a motive (be it in a company, in a given circle of people, or even in a family). The simplest of scenario would be a family; the youngest gets away with anything, don't you just hate that? Oh the pleasures of being pampered because you're the apple of your parents' eyes!!!

Deception; $$$!!!

Money to deceive, well, we all know what that represents!

Deception; that four letter word!

Love, owh yes, that rare and elusive tool of deception. Executed flawlessly, this evokes the deepest effect onto anyone being deceived. Yes, yes, I agree, if love was used for deception, then it isn't really love. Although, how if one was never aware of its doing; to bend a person's will using love to blind him/her to the obvious. Isn't that what deception is, even if it was done unknowingly? Isn't all that unreal now is it?

I got to thinking about deception because deception, in my point of view, is somewhat a misunderstood term. Deception is after all a way to make things seem, well, in a way it isn't. Misunderstood because, innovation, is above all the cleverest means of deception. One thing said in many different manners can bring about totally different views and innovation, is a way of tweaking something and making it fresh and new, in other words, not what it was/is. Deception and innovation are in many ways similar. And just like sexy and slutty, both stand very close to either side of a border.

All because I wonder, do I deceive or am I innovative? How do justify it?

Blog Title Changed... Yet Again...

I realised this is as apt as it can get...

Just me...

What I think, feel and experience...