Every single person I have known that have been more than an acquaintance are/were misogynistic. Internalised misogyny is still misogyny.
This includes me.
A pitifully miniscule number of them have made strides to unlearn. The rest, as of my latest encounters with them, have stayed the same.
My whole life, I've been told, by my parents, teachers, friends, and elders, that women have ideals to fit into. Even when not methodical and lucid, simply saying that women shouldn't <insert anything men can do, not simply defined by capacity but also by societal norms> though not limited, fall within these "ideals". And those that do not fit, are fit for reproval; snide remarks, implicit judgment, outright displeasure and whatever else fancied one's whim barring assault.
When I finally came to the realisation and subsequent acceptance of my transness, I had to unlearn this.
MANY TIMES OVER.
Every time I catch myself forming a disapproval look/thought/idea at, say thighs on display for example, I give myself a proverbial knock on the head and realise that them thighs on display are FABULOUS! Women can and should wear WHATEVER they please WHEREVER they want to.
I keep defaulting to women's clothing because being sexually androphilic did not help this ONE BIT! It disproportionately contributed and fostered my misogyny. My misogyny was never rooted in "women cannot accomplish goals", I was always taught that women should not be/act "a certain way" while accomplishing those goals. And when I think of my misogynistic ideas and thoughts, it is women's clothing that I primarily picture.
Imagine telling an individual assigned male at birth, socialised as a man, and sexually attracted to masculinity, that it is distasteful for women to show off their bodies. They AGREE because, not only were they laughably attracted to masculinity as epitomised by a wide walking stance, interest in sports, and not crying, but also because they'd rather men parade in tight skimpy shorts or semi-transparent vesthis................. Oooo, semi transparent vesthis........ Oooofff.....
For them, on all accounts although not explicit, men are better than women, even if "women can accomplish all that men can too". And when normalised, it becomes virtue, truth, rightfulness. *facepalm*
Hence unlearning. Common and normal isn't correct and right. Not that I am correct or right. But we all agree misogyny is bad and so misogyny in all its forms must, ergo, be bad. Be wrong.
People don't ever unlearn because, when people are themselves common and "normal", they accept all that it is common and "normal" within their societal status quo as inherently right and correct. And this is further unshakeable the closer one is to being, able-bodied, neurotypical, cisgendered, heterosexual, male, rich, from the majority race, thin and fair-skinned. Being excluded from all these groups except being able-bodied, I had to realise at a certain point that life is just harder not simply because I wasn't putting in enough effort but because I'm bogged down by so many systems of oppression.
And so I learn, and unlearn.
I got to thinking about this because in the coming weeks I'll be in the presence of a misogynistic, fair, cisgendered, heterosexual (for all intent and purposes), able bodied, thin, fair man, who has my mother convinced that her sinuses are bad because she got the Covid vaccine booster dose and not due to catching the virus itself (which she did, and I did too). Further exacerbating the situation is the fact that I convinced my parents to get the booster dose prompting my mother to become at odds with me every time I verbalise my disdain for the misogynistic man. Whether or not my mother is actually unhappy with my disdain for this man because I convinced her to get the booster dose is, to me, immaterial.
Yes, a misogynistic man.
Not just from his comments and views in general...
...but because being a fair, cisgendered, heterosexual, able bodied, thin man...
...why would he ever unlearn misogyny.
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