I've come to realise now that as much as i have yet to fully register it in my brains and accept the fact, i am almost a full fledged BSc. graduate... With a major in biotechnology... Fashion has pretty much slipped away and its but traces of it that is lingering around... Makeup....well dat has been well and alive because of all the training i get doin stage makeup for all de gals in my dance group... Fashion will come around i am sure but just not for now... Its been cryopreserved (haha.... de inner biotechnologist speaking), and will be thawed soon for use...
Doin my project has made me realise that i can still be awed by lab work and getting results, and still marvel at how powerful scientists are and science is... I am one of them (scientists) damn it!!!
It has somehow dawned upon me that if i wanted to have studied fashion i should've stood up for it way bak in Form 6 but, alas, i was way too much of a crowd pleaser that i had 2 go and do the thing that pleased not only my parents but also my relatives alike... So now, i should be concentrating on what i am doing and i should do it well... Fussing over what i've missed as i've found out the hard way was never a solution to anything... To be frank it made things worse... But things have taken a turn for the better and i am now focused on my current predicament to make de best out of it...
Actually the very reason i've been so accepting and motivated is because i've had a consolation for having missed fashion in the first place... ODISSI... It gave me a sense of belonging, finally, because i felt that being just a BSc. graduate seem so accomplishable... Seemed very meagre, very achievable. N i knew very well i wasn't going 2 be the best at it. On top of this i missed the very thing i could've been great in, fashion... Odissi jus fit de jigsaw puzzle and it came at the time i was most desperate for goal to work for which i, very foremostly, love....
So here goes, first odissi, then a professional cert in makeup, and then, slowly a fashion stylist perhaps....and a biotechnologist all the way...
Wow, now that sounds more like a worthwhile goal and once achieved an even more worthwhile accomplishment....
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
dance dance dance
I am gonna be an odissi dancer!!!! Hurray!!!!!!
Well, lets come from the beginning. SM, where it all started. I never knew i'd be deeply moved by this art form of the odissi.... Its absolutely gorgeous!!! I am going odissi crazy that i come back everyday after classes to 9 of my most loved, priceless odissi videos i downloaded from google videos n youtube on my laptop. I must say, i never expected my chilhood dreams of becoming a classical dancer to materialise and now it slowly is....
Oh yea, SM is a club of performing arts in University Malaya founded by RV, a masters student of performing arts in University Malaya majoring in dance, who himself is a dancer trained in the Guru Deba Prasad style of odissi. Ever since it started, with my badge of students being the pioneers, we focused on finishing our mangalacharan, the Gangatharanga, dedicated to Lord Shiva, the ultimate dancer himself. There on, i have come to love odissi in its downright essence... Everything from the mudras to the banghi and the chowka, from the fluidity to the purposeful distortions, from the acessories to the makeup and the white pottu that is carefully drawn on our faces... ITS EUPHORIC!!!!!!!
During a performance in Shah Alam for a contemporary dance piece. Each dancer took the role of a classical Indian dance which included the seven classical dances of India, i.e. baratanatyam, odissi, kuchipudi, mohini aattam, kathak, kathakali, and manipuri. I was, obviously, the odissi dancer. Eventhough the dance was a contemporary piece we made it a point to do our mudras correctly and our footwork perfectly.
Well, lets come from the beginning. SM, where it all started. I never knew i'd be deeply moved by this art form of the odissi.... Its absolutely gorgeous!!! I am going odissi crazy that i come back everyday after classes to 9 of my most loved, priceless odissi videos i downloaded from google videos n youtube on my laptop. I must say, i never expected my chilhood dreams of becoming a classical dancer to materialise and now it slowly is....
Oh yea, SM is a club of performing arts in University Malaya founded by RV, a masters student of performing arts in University Malaya majoring in dance, who himself is a dancer trained in the Guru Deba Prasad style of odissi. Ever since it started, with my badge of students being the pioneers, we focused on finishing our mangalacharan, the Gangatharanga, dedicated to Lord Shiva, the ultimate dancer himself. There on, i have come to love odissi in its downright essence... Everything from the mudras to the banghi and the chowka, from the fluidity to the purposeful distortions, from the acessories to the makeup and the white pottu that is carefully drawn on our faces... ITS EUPHORIC!!!!!!!
During a performance in Shah Alam for a contemporary dance piece. Each dancer took the role of a classical Indian dance which included the seven classical dances of India, i.e. baratanatyam, odissi, kuchipudi, mohini aattam, kathak, kathakali, and manipuri. I was, obviously, the odissi dancer. Eventhough the dance was a contemporary piece we made it a point to do our mudras correctly and our footwork perfectly.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
its been long, n i have loads 2 write
OK, Godbro, no more in my life (although memories are cherished n dark moments, vividly carved into memory), met loads and loads of people (including a lot of local Indian celebrities from the silver screen), danced so much till, my record performance, was a piece choreographed the day before the event, went for a by-invitation-only fashion show which came with complementary cocktail (finally!!!), bought some brand names (for my wardrobe and also my grooming, i.e. SODA, SEED, Padini, Three Point Six, Echo Park, Ciano, The Body Shop, Snails, Lakme, Maybelline, Elianto etc. maybe not big a deal to some, but a huge deal for me), started doing my brows and started using proper makeup (if and when i go out for an important event or chilling out with my best friends in a lounge or a bar) and earned Jaan as a best friend and Sunbear as my partner...
Well, I've been great, life so far from my previous posts was another roller-coaster ride, is still a bunch of roses, and has been ever so fabulous. But there are a few things I've learnt down the road, among which
Not all people who claim to be sexually 'bent' are truly so, and hence, expecting my acquaintances and possible suitors to exercise monogamy even before anything starts to flourish is absolutely impossible and so i have learnt to not expect and keep every acquaintance on a get-to-know basis. One reason, is that, desperately sex-deprived men turn to men for mere pleasure, and since sex with men is most often more readily available, voila!!! Another reason is the fact that gay relationships are not-well not in Malaysia at least- marriage-bound and so all the more reason men secretively get into same sex bonding for more then just contact and friendship. Its tough being gay and surviving my country men but i have come across those who have been accepting and nothing beats having people to see you as someone more to offer than just being a laughing stock. There's more to a lot of PLU (people like us) than just being sexually bent (be it sexual orientation or sexual identity). I happen to see artists, accountants, doctors, i.e. maestros, geniuses and lifesavers in them than just the label 'gay men'...
I have to stand for what i want to do and be!!! And i am regretting the fact that i failed to do so long long time ago... I want to study fashion, and that seems only remotely possible. Winning over my parents to allow me to diverge (which in my books would be to get on the right track) seems to be the most daunting of all hurdles to overcome... I am praying for a miracle but i do have hope that even the wildest of my dreams (which isn't so much of a miracle) would come true...
Just take people easy. I have seen so many impossibly insatiable people that I've learnt to take people easy. The more seriously you take people to be, the more complicated things get when you want to relate to them. In a way it helps me be less judgemental and more accepting even to the worse of twisted minds and even the simplest of saint-like-human beings. But where best friends are concerned i dispose of the need to adapt for obvious reasons that needs no mentioning.
well, a huge gap, but was worth it (the post, not the gap)
Well, I've been great, life so far from my previous posts was another roller-coaster ride, is still a bunch of roses, and has been ever so fabulous. But there are a few things I've learnt down the road, among which
Not all people who claim to be sexually 'bent' are truly so, and hence, expecting my acquaintances and possible suitors to exercise monogamy even before anything starts to flourish is absolutely impossible and so i have learnt to not expect and keep every acquaintance on a get-to-know basis. One reason, is that, desperately sex-deprived men turn to men for mere pleasure, and since sex with men is most often more readily available, voila!!! Another reason is the fact that gay relationships are not-well not in Malaysia at least- marriage-bound and so all the more reason men secretively get into same sex bonding for more then just contact and friendship. Its tough being gay and surviving my country men but i have come across those who have been accepting and nothing beats having people to see you as someone more to offer than just being a laughing stock. There's more to a lot of PLU (people like us) than just being sexually bent (be it sexual orientation or sexual identity). I happen to see artists, accountants, doctors, i.e. maestros, geniuses and lifesavers in them than just the label 'gay men'...
I have to stand for what i want to do and be!!! And i am regretting the fact that i failed to do so long long time ago... I want to study fashion, and that seems only remotely possible. Winning over my parents to allow me to diverge (which in my books would be to get on the right track) seems to be the most daunting of all hurdles to overcome... I am praying for a miracle but i do have hope that even the wildest of my dreams (which isn't so much of a miracle) would come true...
Just take people easy. I have seen so many impossibly insatiable people that I've learnt to take people easy. The more seriously you take people to be, the more complicated things get when you want to relate to them. In a way it helps me be less judgemental and more accepting even to the worse of twisted minds and even the simplest of saint-like-human beings. But where best friends are concerned i dispose of the need to adapt for obvious reasons that needs no mentioning.
well, a huge gap, but was worth it (the post, not the gap)
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
still wondering
I know i have been through loads of hell 2 say this but my life seems so perfect... It is becoz it's strangely imperfect that makes it sop perfect....Besides the fact dat i'm yet 2 launch a career in fashion n i haven't found my significant half, evrything else is jus perfect for me... My studies r goin fab, mostly coz my subjects interesting... My life is so jam-packed wit stuff to do, i mean i'm in AISEC, i've agreed 2 participate in a dance competition on a local cable TV ( don't be deceived, in Malaysia, those who appear on the local cable TV, Astro, acquire as much fame as any1 on national TV would), my studies have heightened in2 more intellectual levels, i'm in a major project organised anually by my varsity's Tamil Language Society, n i'm in my residential college 'boria' team (boria is a dance originating from the state of Penang, in Malaysia).
Wat else cud i possibly ask for....
Life is good...
Life is tough...
Life's a bed os roses...
Soft petals, enchanting perfume, thorns and all...
Wat else cud i possibly ask for....
Life is good...
Life is tough...
Life's a bed os roses...
Soft petals, enchanting perfume, thorns and all...
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
relationships
Ever since i set foot onto MU relationships have been intensifying... One significant person in my life has got to be my godbrother...
He is wat i call God's send to me....
My almost everything now... I say 'almost' coz obviously u have parents n family to think of...and even if he is important to me, nothing would ever match the amount of love and attention my parents had put in 2 bring me up...
I've known him for barely4 months... bt he knows things bout me which took me years to confess to my best friends.....
He is sumthing i always wish i had... Everything and more... He has satisfied my every need for a person i want to call my own...But in a strange way he was never the person i imagined i would have been involved with in the sense that he was someone so opposed to who i am... Let's put it straight, he is a regular heterosexual guy, overweight, speaks the classic Tamil most Indian heterosexual guy in Malaysia would, hates shopping, speaks poor English although to certain extend has the confidence to pull of an image what others might pass off as comprehensible, and yet some others even good, dresses ever so typically (boot leg pants and the more economical version of British India look alike tops) n wears loafers like dats the only thing dat would ever compliment those flared pants...
Let's look at myself...I, i had an awfully complicated love life, wif an even more complicated sexual life, know more bout fashion n makeup than anyone around me will ever be able to find out, I know i have o good command of the English language, even if i'm not perfect, i strive for perfection, even if i speak Tamil it has never been my best doing, i love shopping, i can make women's jewellery, n i strive to dress as differently as i can den other regular 'COOL DUDE' wannabes.....
BUT
What has been absolutely intriguing is dat our relationship has been one of those made-in-heaven bonds....I had an instant liking to him as he had 2 me... It all seems like a fairy tale story now wen i look back at it making me think of d movie A Cinderella Story starring Hillary Duff,....i quote..."....fairy tales don't only come true in books, they come true in real life too....."
It has been a fairy tale come true for me...N i'll treasure it forever...
Cheesy, but that's d best way I can put it....
I have no regrets
N i am looking forward 2 see where this relationship is goin 2 take me to...
He is wat i call God's send to me....
My almost everything now... I say 'almost' coz obviously u have parents n family to think of...and even if he is important to me, nothing would ever match the amount of love and attention my parents had put in 2 bring me up...
I've known him for barely4 months... bt he knows things bout me which took me years to confess to my best friends.....
He is sumthing i always wish i had... Everything and more... He has satisfied my every need for a person i want to call my own...But in a strange way he was never the person i imagined i would have been involved with in the sense that he was someone so opposed to who i am... Let's put it straight, he is a regular heterosexual guy, overweight, speaks the classic Tamil most Indian heterosexual guy in Malaysia would, hates shopping, speaks poor English although to certain extend has the confidence to pull of an image what others might pass off as comprehensible, and yet some others even good, dresses ever so typically (boot leg pants and the more economical version of British India look alike tops) n wears loafers like dats the only thing dat would ever compliment those flared pants...
Let's look at myself...I, i had an awfully complicated love life, wif an even more complicated sexual life, know more bout fashion n makeup than anyone around me will ever be able to find out, I know i have o good command of the English language, even if i'm not perfect, i strive for perfection, even if i speak Tamil it has never been my best doing, i love shopping, i can make women's jewellery, n i strive to dress as differently as i can den other regular 'COOL DUDE' wannabes.....
BUT
What has been absolutely intriguing is dat our relationship has been one of those made-in-heaven bonds....I had an instant liking to him as he had 2 me... It all seems like a fairy tale story now wen i look back at it making me think of d movie A Cinderella Story starring Hillary Duff,....i quote..."....fairy tales don't only come true in books, they come true in real life too....."
It has been a fairy tale come true for me...N i'll treasure it forever...
Cheesy, but that's d best way I can put it....
I have no regrets
N i am looking forward 2 see where this relationship is goin 2 take me to...
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Melancholy
Melancholy dats how i 'm feeling now... Pretty 'blegh'... I duno how i am gona cope next time on..during my next semester break dat is...Being in d capital of Malaysia has been pretty interesting n my life in da varsity was absolutely a blast!!! I had a great time... Not all da time but life was as as a roller coaster ride as i got!!!
Dancing was great, especiallty wen i was in da spolight n evryone who saw me dance practically went, 'who is dat guy who danced' etc... It was very uplifting n refreshing. i knew i dance well but i didn't know i had d extra flair to it...
Dancing was great, especiallty wen i was in da spolight n evryone who saw me dance practically went, 'who is dat guy who danced' etc... It was very uplifting n refreshing. i knew i dance well but i didn't know i had d extra flair to it...
Monday, May 22, 2006
its been long
Its been a long time but i am glad to be blogging AGAIN...
Ok...i wanted to write about my orientation days in university...One long month of suffering in seniors' room...It was hell..N to think that my badge of boys did not get it as worse as my seniors... I duno how i went thru it...but i sure would have killed half my brains cells thinking bout it IF i had found out about it any sooner then wen it happened... But coming back to my initial point, i really would not like to write about it.
Ok lets go on to my experience as a first year... Its juz like how Emma put it when describing Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire, the fourth instalment of the Harry Potter, there wasn't a dull moment in my life...not one...Even as boring as lectures may seem it wasn't dull...There was always sumthin interesting, always...
GOD where do i start?? Ok Lets start wif dancing... Tonnes of that!!! Even making front page of a daily Malaysian paper... I was afraid dat id neva b able 2 show off dis talent of mine wen i was in school, i mean opportunities came n went but i seemed to hide myself in the shadow neva grasping the opportunities that came by... N wen i left school i swore i'd neva let an opportunity to shine pass by... N voila...i was doin it!!!
ok...have 2 attend a call...(my godbro)
Ok...i wanted to write about my orientation days in university...One long month of suffering in seniors' room...It was hell..N to think that my badge of boys did not get it as worse as my seniors... I duno how i went thru it...but i sure would have killed half my brains cells thinking bout it IF i had found out about it any sooner then wen it happened... But coming back to my initial point, i really would not like to write about it.
Ok lets go on to my experience as a first year... Its juz like how Emma put it when describing Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire, the fourth instalment of the Harry Potter, there wasn't a dull moment in my life...not one...Even as boring as lectures may seem it wasn't dull...There was always sumthin interesting, always...
GOD where do i start?? Ok Lets start wif dancing... Tonnes of that!!! Even making front page of a daily Malaysian paper... I was afraid dat id neva b able 2 show off dis talent of mine wen i was in school, i mean opportunities came n went but i seemed to hide myself in the shadow neva grasping the opportunities that came by... N wen i left school i swore i'd neva let an opportunity to shine pass by... N voila...i was doin it!!!
ok...have 2 attend a call...(my godbro)
Saturday, April 08, 2006
The little complaints in life
I know i know...one with his blog entitled 'optimistic always' shouldn't have complains...But alas, i ain't GOD...
I'd really really love a few more grooming products for myself... And a few more designer labels (if not designer labels...even brand names will do) in my wardrobe... And a good designer perfume n a boyfriend. But u know wat...i'm really really content with my life...I have goals already set, i am always waiting for a good opportunity to come around to seize it and make good use of, i'm juz feeling so great.....I mean i am not in da best of situations but i am definitely making da best out of it...I've really had enough with whiners...i see so much of them in my life, daily, but none of them seem to realise wat they've already got, n how lucky they r to have it...people constantly receive all these motivating messages via mail but they still seem to sulk wen they face problems...problems are issues that win u over causing u anxiety... If u deal wif them in a proper manner issues will never progress to become problems. Life is all about progress, unless u are destructive u rarely retrograde...Some people see it other peole learn it...
Ok...I feel that's enough preaching for the day.. I wanted to blog with succesion from my first post actually, but i think i've done enough blogging for the day...lets save it for 2moro.
I'd really really love a few more grooming products for myself... And a few more designer labels (if not designer labels...even brand names will do) in my wardrobe... And a good designer perfume n a boyfriend. But u know wat...i'm really really content with my life...I have goals already set, i am always waiting for a good opportunity to come around to seize it and make good use of, i'm juz feeling so great.....I mean i am not in da best of situations but i am definitely making da best out of it...I've really had enough with whiners...i see so much of them in my life, daily, but none of them seem to realise wat they've already got, n how lucky they r to have it...people constantly receive all these motivating messages via mail but they still seem to sulk wen they face problems...problems are issues that win u over causing u anxiety... If u deal wif them in a proper manner issues will never progress to become problems. Life is all about progress, unless u are destructive u rarely retrograde...Some people see it other peole learn it...
Ok...I feel that's enough preaching for the day.. I wanted to blog with succesion from my first post actually, but i think i've done enough blogging for the day...lets save it for 2moro.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Who's gona stop me??
Ok....my 2nd post....well wat do i say....i always get thrown into problems...even lately i have been freaking over a lot of things. Countless, COUNTLESS problems!!!! GOsh...but u know i like 2 keep it goin...be optimistic...be juz enthusiastic n put one step ahead after another...
One thing is for sure....i have never regretted wat i have n wat i am goin thru...it seems dat evrything dat is happening 2 me is like alll for my own good... EVERYTHING!!! I have like tonnes of probs 2 face n i have no worries... sum people go, u have juz ### days left n u haven't finishd ur assignment???...I go, don't worry...i know i'll do it eventually....
Life's Great...N i am living it 2 da fullest... Hours in air conditioned comp lab wif no one 2 ask me 2 stop...not dat i miss my mom, u'd know if u'd read my previous post..
OK gtg
Catca in my next post
One thing is for sure....i have never regretted wat i have n wat i am goin thru...it seems dat evrything dat is happening 2 me is like alll for my own good... EVERYTHING!!! I have like tonnes of probs 2 face n i have no worries... sum people go, u have juz ### days left n u haven't finishd ur assignment???...I go, don't worry...i know i'll do it eventually....
Life's Great...N i am living it 2 da fullest... Hours in air conditioned comp lab wif no one 2 ask me 2 stop...not dat i miss my mom, u'd know if u'd read my previous post..
OK gtg
Catca in my next post
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Blogging..finally
Finally i'm blogging...wonder y i neva thought of this b4...I mean i have like 10 books full of my so-called 'emotional pourings' and 'details of my life'... Call me in vain but i love 2 read my writings. so wen my best fren popped up in my messenger online list n messaged me saying he has started blogging i seized d opportunity...!!! WoooHooo...yea me!!!
I'm siting down here on wats seems 2 b juz another mundane Wednesday morning 2 others... but not 4 me...(gosh seems like da intro of a consumer good add)....Blek!!!
Everythings seems 2 b ok but as petty as this may seem.....'MY MP3 PLAYER IS INFECTED BY VIRUS!!!!!!' booooohooohoooo..... i really am genuinely distracted from enjoying da fact dat i'll b at home 4 da weekends mainly b'coz dat mp3 player cost my mom a good RM200 (hey they earn their money ok!!! if u were workin in a hospital washin off shit out of people's asses u'd know how much ur earnings r worth). LOVE MY PARENTS!!!!!!! n evrytime i feel dat they r gettin on my nerves i juz remember one terrible week of my life...Haluansiswa... (i do realise da blank faces on prospective readers of my blog but any UM student shudn't...yup i am a UM student) which was supposed 2 b where my story shud've initially started...
Ok here goes...
Haluansiswa
In a nutshell, put sleep deprivation, once in 2 days or a day of showering, mocking (actually it was more like shoutin AND mocking) from people u have barely known, doin cheers until u loose ur voice, bein stripped of ur hps on da 1st day of varsity life, boring seminars, stripped of all da pampering u get at home, all alone in a place of new faces, AND homesickness in a week of torture n dats HALUANSISWA, da one-week orientation for all freshmen of Universiti Malaya!!! But as brutal as it may seem (although i realise sum might beg to differ), it was actually necessary coz when I, particularly, was through it i thought it was such an excruciating week of my life dat u actually become a lot stronger n have a lot of respect for urself. I also realised den dat I LOVE MY PARENTS more den anything or anyone else in da WORLD!!! I feel tears forming di very instance typing dis down. I am da luckiest person on Earth 2 b blessed with such parents n even more luckier coz i found out juz how much i LOVE dem b4 they are called back by Mother Earth...
Ok dats it for my 1st blog ever!!!
PS: i am really sorry if u think i'm lame but i really don't care.....
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