Blue

I saw an Indian transwoman in my neighbourhood today driving a new car which I presumed to be her own.

I swelled with pride.

SHUBH MANGAL ZYADA SAAVDHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am torn apart by two extreme emotions!

One half of me gets goosebumps that I've lived to see the day this happens!

The other half is feeling an overwhelming sense of catharsis because WE WERE DUE FOR THIS!!! India has fought TOO LONG and TOO HARD for it.

Both halves are so overjoyed.

Both halves came together and did nothing but cry for half an hour...

Thank you Bollywood.

I can finally see two men running in the fields in colourful costumes... And not even cynicism can stop me from happy crying...

2020

FUCK, it's going to be 2020 in two days.

Let the next decade mark a turn in my life.

I feel it coming.

I'm SOO Thirsty

I am so thirsty these days..

-The End

Broke Up

The grand thing about daily meditation and vegetarianism is that somehow life prepares you for non-attachment.

Detached from romantic love.
Detached from money.
Remembering although your parents love you and you love them, they too will pass.
Remembering that wealth and even friends don't come with you to the afterlife.

I've had a love affair with something for 11 years now.

Recent events led me to uncover that I no longer care.

Because I don't want it anymore.

Subsequently, realising that the romanticised image no longer appeals to me.

And with that, that something I loved for 11 years, I finally don't anymore.

I shed a couple of tears for it and wrote this post to close the door behind me.

I'm sorry my loves, I don't love you guys anymore.

Nah, not talking about Mr. P.

I Realise I Miss One Thing

I miss cuddling with someone so close that his hair is touching my face that I can smell it.

I Guess I Care, Except #1

#1
I am brown from Malaysia and I don't watch Big Boss!

#2
If drag is mainstream, that means the world is fine. Momma, the world ain't never gonna be fine. - Brian Joseph McCook as Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova, 2017

#3
I still get followed by pesky beauty assistants in every beauty store I walk into.

#4
I've spent my entire life fighting my nature. MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!

#5
I became vegetarian a couple of months ago. Occasionally on eggs and twice a week dairy. I can count the number of times I've had meat the past year with just both my hands and with every single situation I forced myself because I'm a doting son.

#6
I'm reading the Bhagavad Gita; something I thought I would never get to until I was at least 50.

Since December 2016

Since December 2016, I've hated every single big life decisions I've made.

Regrets; that's all I've had the past three years.

Now more than ever, I wish I was straight and cis-gendered.

NOW more than ever.

Because life would have been so much, pun intended, straight forward if I was...

There are silver linings.

They do outweigh everything else.

But it's a shitty life to live for those silver linings.

It's ok.

There's still a sliver of hope that things might get better.

Just a sliver...

Mascara

Everyone who's loved makeup has had this memory...

Playing with their mom's or aunt's or even older sister's makeup. The difference with a girl and boy would be that the boy, more often than not, did it when no one was around.

I was once that boy. Both in my mom's and my aunt's makeup.

Now the tables have turned.

I have more makeup than my mom, that aunt, a couple more aunts and a couple of cousins put together do (perhaps even more).

Profound!

There was once all humans needed to survive was brute force.
Pit the average man against an average woman at that point of time. Undoubtedly the man wins and I guess, hence, he was paid more.

Think of the world now.
We all need a job to survive.
Now pit an average man against an average woman in a situation where brute strength was not necessary.
Who wins?
Neither.

Doesn't gender pay gap then seem simply archaic?

Profound isn't it?