Indian Gay Boys.... Sigh Sigh....

On a popular queer dating site,

Boy: Hi dude.
J: Hello
Boy: Nice 2 chat with you bro.
J: Thanks. You are?
Boy: im ___ dude...ur name...
J: I am J. What do you do ___ ?
Boy: im working bro...and u..?
J: I am studying. Just started my PhD.
Boy: oh nice.
J: Thanks.
Boy: no prob.

*no replies*

J: I hope you read my profile properly.
Boy: yes bro....any prob?
J: Well I am a fat guy just so you know...

*no replies*

Sigh sigh. They think they are almighty and all macho! And I feel stupid for being so attracted to brown men!

My profile isn't complicated you know. Just looking at my stats, one may form a picture as to how big I may be.

BODOH kan???

Anyway, I did meet someone from this dating site. So far, we've had a strong sexual attraction.

I've met him twice and we Whatsapp everyday and speak as frequently as we can. I am to take the blame. Even THIS I procrastinate!!!

He is brown (a-boh-den???), well-mannered, plus sized (deliciously like myself) and he adores me.

What this will become is completely in the dark.

We'll see... *wink*

My heart is so stubborn!

I keep telling it to fall in love already!!!!

Any advice?

Simply La You Know, Something Triggered In My Head!

I will be the first to admit that I possess many negative qualities people want the world to be rid of.

And it seems that I always realise this when a Facebook friend starts preaching.

Which begs the conundrum, how can one preach when he/she isn't perfect?

I am cynical (albeit more satirically rather than dead-set serious cynicism), I procrastinate, I love alcohol (although I can't drink it as much as I used to be able to), I am a former smoker, I fake myself sometimes to get things done, I lie, I am lazy, I love gossiping and bla and bla and bla and I can keep adding to this list with no end in sight. I am flawed, admittedly make no excuses for it and always know God loves me and Karma is timely and ultimately takes it toll.

So it always surprises me when people tend to relentlessly defend their virtues (yes, 'virtue', most definitely includes a positive connotation in this context) although the truth or even their motivation for it may be far from justified. So far from being fair, they may have even convinced themselves that it is the only truth.

I am always ready to admit defeat. If one tells me that I am being an asshole, I'll admit it and I'll reason with myself and adapt.

Because when it comes to defending oneself, even the purest of souls turn into bigots.

After all, in the end, it is always the innate ego in oneself that starts saying "I have done this and done that and I know this and know that."

When in fact, the 'I' itself is nothing more than an illusion.

HE is the only truth.

As the great Ramana Maharshi says, "Your duty is not to be this or that; give up the notion that 'I am so and so' ".

And that saying was 'Google'd.

Cos' J ain't perfect honey!!!

The One Where Madam R Screws Up The Thosai Batter

Madam R's shenanigans are abundant, like the time when she wanted to revisit certain places to touch leaves and wash hands (by the way, she's 80 and NOT senile).  And there are the times she used to visit prior to living with us when I usually HAD TO monitor her cooking activities. The story today with the thosai batter was one such incident.

Friday, 14th November 2014

Madam R prepares thosai batter for Saturday breakfast. 

Thosai batter needs to ferment overnight and a warm environment helps speed up the process. Housewives and restaurant chefs come up with their own unique ways to do this, typically, by applying a minute but steady heat supply. An example would be to leave it beside the refrigerator where heat is generated from the refrigerator motor. 

Saturday, 15th November 2014

So, Madam R, being the 'genius' that she is, decided that simply placing the thosai batter beside the refrigerator wasn't going to do the trick. No. It would just take way too long! Madam R wanted to go one step further and use direct heat source. Yes! The stove!!! Our genius decided to leave the thosai batter container (aluminum pot), on a wok, on the stove with the stove turned on to the lowest. And forgot all about it. 

Reminder! This woman is NOT senile. She never forgets people and how one person is her husband's, brother's, daughter's, husband's, cousin in law. She reads the newspapers everyday and is abreast with current happenings in the country! She also never forgets to remind me to take the garbage out (a reminder I get 10 times in a day), or to buy her something she needs (like balance reload for her cellphone!)

What happened with the thosai batter? Well, it was on the heat from about 1 a.m. till 4 a.m. and started cooking instead of just fermenting. How did I know this? Well, I was up at half past 8 this morning and she was in the kitchen checking on her batter. The bottom layer was cooked and had formed pancake-like consistency. I burst into laughter for the next 10 minutes. And kept laughing intermittently for the next half hour.

I love the characters in my life! 

They make it so damn interesting!!!

HAHAHAHA!!!!!

It Is Navarathri and I Wish With All My Heart

3rd of October marks the end of Navarathri (literally translates to "9 nights"). 

Navarathri is the celebration of the female aspect of God.

It is a celebration of the Shakti (power) aspect of Hinduism.

Durga, Mahalakhsmi, and Saraswathi are the three deities most significantly attached to the celebrations.

I recall the most significant Navarathri of my life; my proper initiation into odissi. 

2014 Narathri has been rather bleak so far. 

My head buried in my laptop finishing up my thesis corrections.

Overweight with a knee problem.

My odissi accessories and my dancing bells (oh my dancing bells) just sitting pretty in the altar.

I regret that I let myself go where my keeping my weight in check was concerned.

I miss dancing so much it really really hurts!

God! Have mercy on me.

Let this child, this part of you, the soul yearning to be one with you, feel you through this heavenly form of art.

I have been cleansed of nicotine cravings and alcohol abuse. 

Open up my path back to odissi.

I hate crying over this.

Let me dance again.

Om Tat Sat.

Filling In For The High Priestess II

Like in 2011, the pedestal is again devoid, this time, only of The High Priestess. She has flown again to the Holy Lands to the region where kathak originated from (think Madhuri Dixit in Devdas, ooooohhhh, goosebumps). She would also be heading to a city which is known for a colour, an architectural symbol of love, and a grand temple synonymous with the richest metal.

This time around, she opted to take up an offer of her childhood friend to journey there.

Again, I am left taking over her responsibilities with Madam R also temporarily staying with her second daughter.

I really do hope The High Priestess has the time of her life!!!

She is going to be bathing in all things colourful, beautiful, delicious, spiritual and all that epitomise mysticism and grandeur!!!

I'm gonna miss her and I await her return in anticipation!!!

Madam R Turns 80!

The matriarch has reached an age some of us can only wish for.

And she's mobile, healthy and can still cook brilliantly!

I pray to God for many more healthy years to come for this beloved woman!

I had to hold the cake knife because she kept prodding
the cake before we could sing Happy Birthday.
This is me handing the knife back to her.
It was home-made upside down pineapple cake.

How Can???

Having overcome the biggest hurdle to obtain my masters degree I have now turned my focus to my deepest passion.

Dance.

However I am, at the moment, massively obese. 

About 50 kgs heavier then I was in this post. 

Not forgetting my injury which further contributed to my weight gain.

How would one lose weight?

Why, by exercising of course!

I have taken to swimming, against all my better judgement, knowing very well that I'd look horrendous in a swimming trunk because I don't have much of a choice.

Swimming is high resistance, low impact exercising; perfect for both my weight and my knees.

There is another aspect to losing weight; diet.

But,

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Top left; sticky rice with grated coconut condiment (pulut dan inti), grandma's cooking. Top right; Indian candy, made with condensed milk, grated coconut, lots of sugar and some Milo in this version (usually food colouring is used), mom's preparation. Bottom left; my grandma's cooking, fish curry, fried fish marinated in curry powder, and broadbeans stewed with pre-stewed mungbeans. Bottom right, laddoo (made with spiced dhal flour that is deep fried then steeped in sugar syrup and mixed with cashews pre-fried in clarified butter a.k.a ghee then formed into balls), aunt's preparation.

HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT WHEN YOU FREQUENTLY GET FOOD LIKE THIS?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To add depth to the situation, I am very poor at both portion control and self-control!!!

ARRGGGHH!!!!!!

The 200th Post; A Milestone in My Life!

I have officially passed my Masters thesis examination!!!

And it's my 200th post!

And I have a pay check!

I can't wait to do my 2015 checklist!

I Don't

I don't go out to parties anymore on Saturday nights

I blog

-.-

At least until the 16th.

http://cheezburger.com/2665910272

I Changed My Life Around

Truth be told, up to the 5th of March 2014, I was still smoking.

I was drinking heavily too.

I loved every minute of that!

However, a visit to the hospital to see my brother's ex girlfriends mother upon the request of The High Priestess after finding out she suffered a stroke changed all that.

Oh, The High Priestess still kept in touch with Gdaran's ex girlfriend however, she only met her would-have-been in-law that very day. She explained the progression of events that lead to her landing on a hospital bed which got me over-thinking about myself and how terrible my lifestyle was.

The next day, 6th March 2014, I fasted.

I ended up with some gastric problem symptoms which I erroneously deduced as signs of possible stroke or a heart attack. My heart rate picked up and my pressure increased. As the pain in my stomach which (I would later find out was nothing more than indigestion, gastric and flatulence at once) ran through my hand I could not slow my racing heart as my mind was already forming images of pain and death!

Throughout the night I could not steady my mind. I finally gave up because, after forcing myself to fall asleep, I awoke an hour later in a sweaty state and realised my heart was still beating fast. Although I succeeded in calming myself down, my mind kept running back to my sweaty awakening eventually resulting in palpitations.

That's it! I woke mum up and she drove me to the hospital.

Doctors' (yes, I was attended by three of them) early diagnosis was that my lifestyle of drinking, smoking, eating unhealthy and stress had given me a gastric problem. Blood test results indicated raised cardiac enzyme levels which may have been due to the palpitations as my ECG was clear.

I spend a day in the hospital and had my first experience of a catheter in my hand. Yes, I have never been admitted to a hospital or had a catheter in my hand, not the one the use to administer saline and drugs at least (I've donated blood but that is no where as scary).

So I mended my ways;

I only ever drink two or three servings of alcohol and as infrequently as twice a month.
I quit smoking; COLD TURKEY, on the 6th of March 2014.
I have slowed down on caffeine to a cup decaf I have in the morning and an occasional cup of tea in the evenings.
I have started swimming.
I have started limiting my dinners to a minimum; most nights only having a cup of oats and two slices of bread if I am hungry.
I have brown rice or parboiled rice when I do have rice.
I have reduced my portions and started snacking on fruits instead.
Although not apparent, I have lost about 5 kgs.

God is right here with me.

I believe it, for without the adversity on the 6th of March 2014, I would have never mended my ways.