All That's Left

Diwali 2011 was just like any other. 2 weeks of cleaning, 2 days of drinking, 2 nights out late and 2 mornings curled up in bed till 12pm.

9th November 2011 is just around the corner and I am good.

All that's left is to loose the weight... ALL THAT'S LEFT!!!

Albeit the aunt in the hospital, the grandmother's never-ending feud with her daughter-in-law, the intentionally burdened digestive tract and unintentionally bludgeoned bowels, Diwali 2011 went by as uneventfully as it did before 2010...

Happy Diwali Hdaran!!!

28th October 2011

I met someone...

And I stayed strong...

Just Around The Corner; Dust Bunnies And Mops

Diwali is around the corner and gone are the days when I actually looked forward to it.

Well, not to seem like a stick in the mud but Diwali is becoming a pain in the neck for me these days, literally.

Two reasons;

#1 The High Priest and Priestess are not as young as they once used to be thus not as able to fully participate in preparations for the "soiree".

#2 The High Priest and Gdaran aren't the most enthusiastic when it comes to physical work that involves sweat minus 'fun'.

So, being the most able bodied, mother-loving, willingly obliging, young, strong(er) person in the house, I end up putting a smile on the face, with a boost of confidence from the stereo, get down (occasionally up) and dirty. Trust me, it's no where close to how it sounds when the DJ says it.

This year is no exception as it has been for the past, 5 years or so. I finished my Diwali shopping a few weeks ago and I bought only the necessities, plus a few extras for dance training and sleeping (alone---in the bed---at night---not sex---ok fine! jammies---not that I use them anymore---ok fine!! boxer shorts!!!).

Gdaran enjoys his Diwalis every year...

Three reasons;

#1 His taste for clothes isn't always good but they're rather blindly expensive. And he derives pleasure from it.

#2 Sloshing is obligatory during Diwali.

#3 Minimal involvement with dust bunnies and mops.

Owh well, for the sake of the light triumphing against the darkness, as Cookies and Cakes usually say, "Happy Cleaning!"

My Dancing Bells

Beautiful aren't they???

The dancing bells were sitting in my prayer alter right after the performance....

Salutations!

My maiden performance with the dance school I am currently affiliated with. Filling my heart with piety and devotion I said thanks to God, my gurus, and my trainers again and again. The dancing bells were blessed and tied on my feet by my teacher as with all initiation of Indian classical dancing. I was the only one in my group with that blessing. Just last year I was among the audience, yearning to be on that stage offering my love to God through something that I had passion for beyond words. This year, I was there, in full odissi attire dancing to appease Lord Ganesha, as Himself, to Him, for Him; my love offering. Months of training; to make sure my fellow dancers get their steps, stances, and mudras correctly; and months; anticipating if or not this night was ever going to materialise.

So it did, in all glory that I could have imagined and more. The 7 minutes on stage flew by like a swift breeze. And none of it I could recall except for the blissfulness of asking Lord Jagannath to bless me so that my offering of love to Him is done flawlessly. 7 minutes of pure divinity; 7 minutes of everything and nothingness itself; 7 minutes of sublime ecstasy.

After the performances ended, we gathered to hear reviews. I was indifferent because I felt that God had accepted wholeheartedly the offering. But then again listening to the reviews were encouraging, more so because I had (strangely enough) actually put on weight prior to the performance. Also, a quality I have imbibed learning odissi is humility. Respecting and accepting critic is a mark of a true performer and one that God Himself reveres.

My teacher: Hats off to the Mangalacharan group. You did very well. Everything was nicely done. 


My senior trainer: *with salutations* Thanks to Hdaran very much la. You really did a great job.


A random woman form the audience: Your performance was absolutely wonderful. Really amazing. I had chills sitting in the crowd watching you dance. It was like Lord Jagannath Himself was dancing on stage! (I replied humbly, with a face full of smiles; Thank you so much, your words are really encouraging. All praise to Lord Jagannath!!!)

My friends: Great! Awesome! You stood out! It was wonderful! I'm glad I didn't miss it!

This has nothing to do with narcissism. These words are probably the exact words a dancer would like to hear above all else. I have been blessed with this gift and it has been an honour to be able to present it at the feet of God, and to be able to share it with people whom are appreciative of this intricate art form.

All praise to Lord Jagannath!!!
Salutations to my guru.
Salutations to my trainers.
Salutations to my friends.
Aum, Shanthi Shanthi Shanthi...

PDA

PDA (Public Display of Affection). Those first few moments in a relationship when being apart seems like a crack unearths on the soil ripping apart the hands that cling on desperately to each other... Dear God, seriously?

A matter of real true love or the act of pride? If the entire Earth really stands still and you and the significant other are the only two people apparently present in such a circumstance where reflexes coerces you into caressing one another, then I say you need psychiatric treatment ASAP! Love doesn't need to be showy, genuine love doesn't manifest in public.

The gunghroos from India are confirmed for me. I'll be getting two pairs. Two strings on each ankle. Can't wait!!!

Courtesy of http://www.sazmahal.com/ 

Reality Check; The AWESOME Sort!!!

So after dance classes yesterday the senior trainer of my dance school for the odissi repertoire approached me and in low, almost obscure tones, the following conversation took place;

Trainer: Hdaran, you please help me la ok? I want to make sure you all do well for Navarathri. You must really push them and make sure they do their chawkas and banghis properly.
Hdaran: Sure akka (elder sister in Tamil), no problem.
Trainer: Actually, I want to pull you and Cheetah Girl #2 for performances later. You got a lot of potential, no need saying and Cheetah Girl #2 does as well. 
Hdaran: *nods*
Trainer: We've got a lot of upcoming performances and I want you both to also perform. There's one on the 29th of October. 
Hdaran: Owh! *nods wildly*
Trainer: I want both of you to learn Moksha by then. I actually had a performance team but sometimes you know la, that day also this girl backed out because of fever. Cheetah Girl #2 got a potential but you must help me push her la. She has to be pushed so she can do well. Ok?
Hdaran: Ok akka, sure no problem.


As swiftly and as unanticipated as she came, the news bearer scurried off for her dance practice. I stood my ground literally blinking over and over again several times before I realised this wasn't the first good news of the week. I was already asked to oversee the practice of the younger dancers from the intermediate class. ME, training students ahead of me in duration of training. BY MY TEACHER!!!

The news didn't really sit well with me primarily because it seemed so surreal.

#1 Indian classical dance has been a lifelong dream of mine. (I want to say it again ok!!!!)

#2 I am finally a classical dancer, in all its glory! (No, will N-E-V-E-R get tired of saying it!!!)

#3 I am performing for Navarathri with blessed dancing bells (the signature of a true Indian classical dancer).

#4 I get to perform with a dance school that has been revered for it's involvement in the Indian classical arts for decades!!!

I questioned myself for days, is this really happening??? Is it??? I am going to be performing??? With my dance school???!!!!

Someone pinch me, and pinch me hard!!!

To Durai

To Durai,

One of my recent status on FB reads....

"It's so sad to see the physically disabled. But then again they're the ones whom appreciate life more than any of us! I'm ashamed because I have, in the past, taken that God given gift called life so easily. Never again!"

And this is a tribute to you, someone I first had a love-hate feeling towards which turned into utter admiration.
Durai, the blogger whom called himself a 'macha' and not afraid to say it (not an insult in any way)!

The latest post on Raged Indian;

http://ragedindian.com/2011/09/14/dribble-through-trouble/

Hats off my friend! Am grateful to have stumbled upon your blog!!!

I am leaving my worries behind, no more Mr. P (last time you'd hear of this name here), no more complaints, no more regrets.

Sincerely,

Hdaran.

Happy Birthday

Yesterday was Hdaran's birthday!

Happy Birthday Hdaran...

It's hoped in this turning of a new age that a new spirit for life itself is seeded!!!

I Say Nothing

With just two days left, I am in a state of denial to the course my life has taken.

Here's me breaking out of being in denial.

#1 I am back to my old size, a size 38 pair of denims are the only other thing besides another pair of cotton pants that fit me now. Sounds trivial. But like most obese people, there are so many underlying emotions involved.

#2 I keep trying to blame everything else for this predicament but I have come into terms that it was indeed my doing. My fears, my insecurities, my inabilities, my shortcomings.

#3 I procrastinate which has kept me away from many things I could have sorted out in my life. Everything in my life would have been better had I done it WHEN it should have been done.

In less than half a decade I'd be midlife. All that's left is but a few more years to not regret an eternity of selling myself short to myself.

In the past, I have had said many things to motivate myself and I've said it with conviction.

Now they all seem juvenile for most of it has become nothing but mere words.

I've decided to say nothing.

And do everything.