Once Upon a Starry Night Sky

My blog never started as something to write to show off to the world. Hence the being anonymous (except to some people); evidence to my previous statement. But I must admit, after looking at my statistics I became a little, if not entirely, conscious about how I write and what I chose to write. The advantage of being anonymous presented me with options that Cookies and Cakes helped me see, over and over again, tirelessly.

#1 You write for yourself and yourself only.

#2 Anonymity means even if people want to judge you, you do not have to worry... Your perception about yourself is above all others (something that always came in handy, in my day-to-day life, when restlessness of passed judgments come along).

#3 Write from your heart. A personal blog is like an online diary. Treat it like so. Pour your heart out, otherwise honesty is deprived. Besides, mistakes are what makes you, you and hey, forget impressing people, be satisfied with what YOU make of it first.

So, even though I check out my stats, day after day, its nothing more than for a bit of fun... I even realised that my blog description was missing the "R" from the word "YOURSELF" but I told myself, let it be, until there comes a time when the picture needs replacing at least.

I was walking to 7-E like I always loved to and two things intrigued me;

#1 A man was wearing a helmet whilst driving his car...

#2 I looked up and saw the sky full of stars... The starry night sky reminded me of one incident.

          Once, upon a campus varsity, a residential college was having a fire drill. Three male students were out whiling their time away, walking around in a nearby lake garden out of the campus vicinity. Empty chats and aimless walking were their means of a therapeutic night. One of the three would have begged to differ but he was just happy the man he loved was there right beside him. Not realising a fire drill was ongoing they made their way back to campus only for a call from a fellow varsity-mate informing them of the situation. So these three friends drove to the hilly area of the campus and decided to just settle down there until it was worth returning (fire drills in the hostels were always excruciatingly boring and not to mention a complete waste of time; if there's a fire most of the students already know where to run!!!). Along the road where they rested their bottoms on, two of them were getting tired of just sitting around. One of the two decided to seek solace on the laps of the third friend. The latter, would be more familiarly known as Mr. P and the third friend was Hdaran. Soon enough, the remaining  individual (let's call him Life-Sized Comfort), rested his head too on Hdaran's lap. Hdaran was happy, it was one of the best moments of his life. Life-Sized Comfort was like Hdaran's own life-sized teddy bear. Sleeps with him in the same bed, adores Hdaran, has petty but very exhilarating arguments with Hdaran and tells Hdaran everything. Hdaran in turn was so attached to Life-Sized Comfort that his company was so immensely enjoyed (Hdaran always thought that if Mr. P had not made entry into his life, Life-Sized Comfort would have been the next best thing; better of the bad at least). At this moment, Hdaran looked up and saw a glorious starry night sky.....

Dancing...Again...

I am going to be dancing on stage again...

After almost two years of halt I am going to finally hit the limelight again...

Funny, I thought I would be excited but as days draw closer, I am getting nervous...

I guess because its been so long, I may have forgotten how to enjoy all that attention...

But nevertheless one shall do his best..

And enjoy prepping up with stage makeup, a colourful costume and a larger-than-life smile...

It has been truly a long wait and I am all the more thankful that I can finally step up to do the thing I enjoy doing most...

Granny Mayhem

Took the maternal grandmother out today for what was supposed to have been done a few days ago. She wanted to re-visit the temple my dad arranged prayers for just over a week ago. Definitely nothing strange about that. But her reasoning is probably why this post has taken form.

During the aforementioned prayers, both the grandmothers were present. And apparently Mdm K (paternal) told Mdm R (maternal) that there was a shrine for the "Datuk", the Chinese demi-God, quaint mini-shrines of which, bejewel every possible corner around small streets on mainland Penang. And a similar shrine stood right outside this particular Hindu temple. Before I move on, Mdm R is a very insecure person whose emotions get stirred at the slightest of unforeseen troubles. Troubles can mean as simple as my mom catching a cold (which happened a few hours ago). According to Mdm R, she has been having sleepless nights because she failed to acknowledge the "Datuk" and because she was perturbed of something she saw while she was washing her feet.

*eyebrows raised*

This wasn't the first episode; with me, this was the third (and God knows how many more such episodes with others, her son and my elder cousin brother, for instance). I can only imagine their agitation. Mdm R can be quite a handful when she's in this mode of hers. 

Episode #1

Mdm R and her 2nd daugther (naturally, my aunt) wanted to attend a wedding reception held in Peaceful Suburb. My aunt didn't know the route and so employed my knowledge of the location to fulfill her doings. Mdm R came, or rather tagged along (she is also known to be fiercely loyal to the extended, extended family; the second ring of relatives after the immediate uncles, aunts, cousins etc. where keeping in touch was concerned). A few days after that occasion she called me up (I am gathering every inch of self-restrain to avoid cursing her daughter-another aunt of mine- whom bought her her first cell phone) and says that she had an appointment with the dentist. I, unsuspectingly drove her out assuming that a boring day was in store. But, alas, she told me, only when we were safely away from the Taman we live in, that she came out under false pretenses. And that is how I got to know the dark side of Mdm R. I drove her, not knowing how to turn her down and completely clueless as to why the journey to Peaceful Suburb was even necessary. As we drew closer to the border of the two states, she reveals that it was her intention to see the hall where the wedding reception was held. Get this; the woman gets out of the car, walks to the entrance, caresses the door and the doorknobs of the hall entrance, rubs her feet (with her sandals on of course) on the carpeting leading away from the entrance looks around, caresses the door and doorknobs several times more and then declares that she is ready to leave. Wait, there's more, at least 500 metres off the premises, she begs me to drive her back only to do the exact thing again!!! 

Episode #2

During the Fire-walking Ceremony of the famed temple of the district, a chariot procession takes place as the end of the day draws near. Mdm R was present at the customary, waiting-for-the-chariot, which arrives at several pit-stops where devotees hold offerings in the form of fruits (bananas and a coconut are a must). The chariot hoists the stone image of Mariamman, a Goddess that is revered by the Hindus that live in the district. Post ceremony, Mdm R gives me a call. This time a branch from a tree where we stood waiting, apparently, brushed off her head, it seems. Mdm R goes on about how she is having another bout of sleepless nights and has a dying urge to see, touch, and yes, why not, caress the tree, its leaves and its branches. So yes, I oblige. And heck yeah, she makes me drive back to the spot not once but twice to do the same thing and this time around forces me to do the same. Good Lord, I just told God, if its one thing You do its not to have anyone that can recognise me drive through that street. It didn't help that it was a busy street and parking was only available across the street from the crime scene. Guiding and old lady across the street isn't as easy at it looks. 

Episode #3

And this one comes with a date, October 21st, 2010. Yes, only yesterday. The story continues from the 2nd paragraph. Upon reaching the temple, she walks straight to the cubicle-like space where two PVC pipes are installed to enable devotees to wash their feet prior to entering the temple; a customary practice of cleansing 

the body of negative energies. Mdm R washes her hands repeatedly as she caressed both the pipes like she was actually worshiping it, touching the pipes and subsequently touching her head!!! The weird actions I can take but her words took the disconcerting feelings in me to a whole new level;

*in Tamil*

Mdm R: You see, this is what is called "gila" (mad in Bahasa Malaysia)!!! Aiyooooo, I am "gila" already!!!! (repeats this several times)

Luckily this time round, the second round of the weird happenings took place before we drove away from the temple premises. Just as we were walking towards the car she pauses;

*in Tamil*

Mdm R: Waitlah aiya (affectionate way of calling a guy *sweats*), I wanna wash my hands one more time. *scurries off to the pipes*

I have never resented doing these favours for her. If for any reason, it is probably because I kind of understand her worries. She's ageing, almost at death's grasp. Surely, if one is longing for something, he/she would like to see/touch/feel/experience it for one last time before his/her demise. I guess that's all she wants to do. Probably a fear has crept in her that she may never wake up the next day. Do any of us ever know, that we WOULD wake up the next day??? Any day could be our last...

They Lived With God

Started reading yet another book about spirituality and Holy-men...

Image source:
http://www.vedantastl.org/Catalog/book/They_Lived_With_God.htm

Again, the book was presented to me by mom, like Autobiography of A Yogi. I still share the same sentiments, never was a fan of autobiographies and never liked the choice of books my mom chose to read. And yet, all the more, my mom dumbfounded me... This was another captivating read about the lives of the devotees of Sri Ramakrishna. I still remember at least a decade ago, when I was given a colourfully illustrated book about the same evangelist, I was dumbstruck by the work of God. The book, among many others, alongside many childhood experiences planted the love of God into my heart. Over the years things changed, and I as reached adulthood, I was thrown into a sea of doubt and turbulence, maya, the dualistic nature of Earthly desires and devils.

The autobiography was almost God-given; He realised, I'm guessing, that He wanted me back, and so tuned me to receive this parcel of bliss-digger. It also came at a time I was so desperate for answers. I was stunned and started to realise that my love of God - that I used to hold so dear when I was a child - had almost vapourised. Reading the autobiography was like rekindling my love for The Creator and in succession was this next gift of stories about people who lived by the Ultimatum. I shall never turn back, except to fulfill my worldly duties to my parents and the people around me. And try, I shall, to culminate spirituality into the minds of my most beloved and strangers alike.

If a person wants God, God takes everything away from him. And if that person continues to love Him. God becomes his slave.

-They Lived With God

Presenting, The Dirty Laundry of Hdaran's Extended Paternal Family

An aunt who has been disowned by the extended family recently got in touch with me through Facebook. I was told of the existence of 'another' Attai (aunt in Tamil) when I was 15. Apparently she had run away and got married to the love of her life. I am sure there is more to this tale but one shall not delve further until the time comes for someone to step up and reveal the truths. Dad's younger sister she was and the love of her life was of a different religion.

*shakes head*

These are the times that I would've loved to be straight just to see how they would react if at all my future wife is Christian. Well, at least the reaction of my paternal extended family that is (my mom's eldest sister got married to a Christian and she wasn't put through atrocity like the former was). Apologised, she has, and it seems, to no avail.  I trust, judging from the lights of my extended paternal family, that her decision in pursuit of love could've very well been the best decision of her life!!! Being in this family would've done nothing but box her mind into this tight space where everything she's subject to are mere preconceived, premature notions about the world, with no way out; confined to stereotyping and loud unnecessary wailing, confrontations and a myriad of disposable, totally uncalled for drama!!! I see it in all my father's siblings.

Aunt #1: The eldest but yet, with all the reading she has been doing and all the so-called wisdom-talking she does, she was/is/will be, to me, one of the most judgmental people I've ever come across. Her family is a wretched one. Eldest daughter was married off to a person of the sub-species of the homo sapiens; a lower sub-species that is. The ones who live for being nothing but solely a burden to mother Earth; homo attero (waste for Latin). Being a tad bit judgmental myself, I suppose. Then again, would you respect anyone whom in all the times you've met is steadfast to alcohol, or a cigarette or sometimes both??? AND is known to NOT have a secure job??? Her second child, a son, got attached to a woman whom two timed him. And her youngest, well, she has been the proper one so far but she alongside with her elder sister is obese, and if I might say so morbidly. Besides the disproportion, she is so full of herself (again being a tad bit judgmental, but I am also a self-confessed fashion critic and this woman fills her wardrobe with all the things a plus-sized women should never).

Uncle: Dad's only brother and the 3rd child of the family. Married to a woman whom has been rumoured to be unbelievably lazy. I only address the woman out of respect and keep my conversations with her short, concise and time-worthy. My uncle, like the 1st aunt, has 3 children. A dropout from Police Camp who has been wasting his life spending time wooing women (plural; i daresay), binging and sleeping at home. Another classic case of the low life sub-species. The second son, has been job hopping all this while, earning meager dough that I am sure does not suffice for him to feed himself, what more give the family. The youngest, is no better, and like my former cousin sisters, she is breaching onto an array of fat-related interminable diseases. My poor uncle, the sole breadwinner of the family, is still working to make ends meet with the entire household still living off him. Over 50, he needs a break, which in my opinion is vast distances apart from materialising.

Aunt #2: Converted to Christianity a few years ago. No judgments against this. Its a free country for God's sake. But I've seen with my very eyes the very staunch believer in Hindu 'witch-doctors' and priests with supernatural solutions to her problems, pinning garlands of lime to please the Gods (demi-Gods, that is). A very distorted ideology of she had, of Hinduism and I would never blame her except in the circumstances that she was raised in (its a miracle my dad isn't anything like such although he has his fair share of being judgmental, primarily to people like me; LGBTs). Her son is missing in action from the household and she has been somewhat sidelined by her mother because of her recent endeavour. A judgmental person herself, this aunt of mine used to throw sharp words at things I never understood to be wrong-doing when I was a child. For instance, helping out in the kitchen. Her husband used to do the same, teasing me because I was not a boy, rather a coward timid sissy. They seem to have had their testing times which I've come to know to be rather dire. What karma does; beware!!!

Aunt #3: The aunt living away from the rest, in Land of The Machas. She is a stalwart believer in the supernatural which always annoys me because of her lack in background reading of spirituality. Always coming up with false conclusions of religion and religious practices, she has a way of making people believe her through conviction in speech and wondrous facial portrayals. Three daughters she has and although they seemed to take on their mother, the elder one has mellowed down to actually seeking advice. The second one  is good at heart but has been misguided by conformations the family is subject to; standards they've set themselves to be the ultimatum (wishful thinking of helping this bright young lady to broaden her horizons has been but only thoughts). The youngest, like all youngest child of a family, is pampered. A lot of growing up to do but curiously at 14 years of age is rather intelligent and well-read just like her elder sisters. The sad part to this tale however is my uncle. Psychotic I must say, to be able to fire a gunshot at his wife. Luckily it was dodged by my aunt. This is but one simple example of how much terror he can cause. Life seems to be going rather undisturbed for them currently, absent of those unexpected bouts of 'epileptic fit' my uncle throws. Though my aunt has a long way to go for a blissful life, I still hope the light at the end of the tunnel may shine through, that her norms in believing and worshiping astrology, may be just the thing she needs to get rid of.

Aunt #4: The youngest. Like the rest of my dad's siblings has three children. The eldest met with a horrifying accident from which he escaped death two years ago. The second child is an alcoholic at 19 years of age. Both of the boys smoke incessantly. The third one- with the exception of Aunt #3's three girls- is like the rest of my cousin sisters in the family, morbidly obese. Enough said about the offspring, my aunt is a person on a spiritual path like my mom and myself but is still contained in a box whereby passing judgments is yet to be rid off. A scenario at a tailor's shop (which both she and my mom frequents) may tell you why.

In Tamil,

Tailor: Will you get married? (Questioned me; he obviously saw through my sexuality)
Aunt #4: Of course. He's got three aunts, how can he NOT be married???
Tailor: *smiles* Don't get married and then later regret your decision. Sometimes people rush into things and then cry over it later. (I knew exactly what he meant)
Aunt #4: Don't worry, Hdaran will definitely get married to a wonderful gal. *tones of cuteness* (you would be if you are over forty but at just 4ft 10inchs tall, nice and round)
Hdaran: I know how I am going to lead my life and how my future is to be and I shall not let anyone dictate it. (being the person I am, I wanted to get the message across that marriage is not in my books without disclosing my sexuality)

Anyone who knows me, would definitely be able to see the fact that I will never be able to find solace in heterosexual matrimony. My entire extended family believes otherwise and God knows they're all in denial and sitting comfortably with a false notion that I would indeed adjust my beliefs for their respect. Reality check to knock in, in less then 5 years!!!

So there it is, the dysfunctional extended family. Everyone sitting comfortably in their own cubicles engineered to believe that life is all that is in their heads. Pretending that gay people do not exist in their midst, convinced that God is what their distorted minds have come to conclude, believing that life is to be followed according societal rules that govern it, sadly and utterly unaware of the whirlwind of possibilities that my mind, constantly and effortlessly, collects into plans and pursuits I have set for in my life.

God, help me HELP them...

When The Going Gets Dull, Spice Things Up!

Nope, no one's dead, and no, I haven't attempted to rupture more blood vessels of mine again and definitely not, Mr. P hasn't contacted me!!! I just felt like writing (or rather, typing)... One of those days where your fingers move to the rhythm your heart and your mind tell it to...

What to write about when all I've been doing is looking through countless journals all day long about oil-pressed residues and antioxidants and DPPH radical scavenging activities... OOOFFFF!!!! All I wanted was a normal boring day job so I could dedicate my nights to reading, and going out for drinks and socialising and learning odissi every Saturday. Not that I am not doing all of that (minus the dancing of course) but it's the cash funds that I find so difficult to keep up with. Oh well, might as well make the best out of my situation. Besides, once I finish my doctorate I may be paid twice as much as what my friends make. Being gay, would mean, no children, no commitments, just me, myself, my spirituality, my friends, my family and fabulousness. Argh... The boyfriend can wait. I am no more in a rush to meet that dumbass wrapped in aluminium foil (think Prince Charming in an armour of steel).

While we are down that road, Sunbear (thanks Cookies and Cakes), one of the longest holding friends-with-benefit of mine from KL, has been kind enough to drop me a few lines every now and then to inquire my well-being. Sunbear, it seems, is at a phase of his life whereby the "fun" no longer mattered and loneliness has managed to creep in. *rolls eyes* Why do people only realise things like this when its too late. I say this because I was so ready to give US (Sunbear and I) a chance at a relationship a few years ago. He has always been with people who wanted nothing but carnal pleasure with him/ from him; either way its immaterial. Now he wants a relationship???

 I had a feeling he was testing the waters with me as to whether or not I still believe in happy endings. Yes, of course I do believe in 'ever after's but nonetheless I have also come to realise much higher truths than that (i'll save the preaching for other entries). My 'preset' brain has been 'reset' to evolved from, "LOVE is important" to "LOVE is, if and only if, it is GOD" (shit, sorry, no more preaching..... really!!!).

So Sunbear, went on about how he was feeling so much inadequacy in his life. How much he's been doing nothing but watching TV. How he rarely meets up with other men for sex these days. Bla bla bla, yada yada yada... And just when i thought the worst was over, the scale was yanked up and he used the ultimate turn off line (for me at least...);

Sunbear: If u were still kl would consider me??? (excuse the grammar, Sunbear was always defensive about his language skills)
Hdaran: Of course i wud! U tc nites. (God forgive me, don't send me to hell!!!)
Sunbear: Thanks da. I miss u...

Euggghhh!!! Tactless, absolutely tactless. I may have forgotten how to love and how it is like being in love but trust me, Sunbear, NOT an option. One mustn't deny, being with him had its perks. I used to be treated like I wanted to. Chauffeured driven around, meals taken care of, drinks checked, sex (well, that...I usually took whatever I got), and time mostly well-spent. What can I say? I had nothing to complain and it was a comfortable union that lasted long enough...

*eyebrow raised*
*evil grin carved*

It was then the Devil's ears and tail grew and yes, yes yes yes, why not!!! He's earning well, he needs some companionship and I am free of attachments, so voila, I played along... The cat is in the bag!!! Fantastic!!! I've got a person to take around, who'd buy me drinks and spend for me whenever he comes down to the island. Just what I need to spice things up when the going gets dull.

So, that's  that. I have no idea when my ordeal/total closure of Mr. P is going to end/come and loneliness sometimes coerces me into looking at his pictures and then crying momentarily. So, while the physical detachment is there without my conscience constantly poking me in the gut, I can safely enjoy this particular endeavor until the one true dumbass comes along to give me hell (LOL, one shall always question the possibility of a truly happy relationship). With that said, I welcome the comfortable hotel sheets and bath tubs, the room service, the cocktails, wines and good food, and last (and LEAST), only just acceptable, the sex.

Besides, Sunbear can be easily disposed off.
My goodness, wherever did the Hdaran, so often passed over, go to???!!!

Of a Mantra, an Artwork, Choki Choki, size 34, and Being Indian....

In a heated conversation about a certain insignificant someone.

CnC: You have always been pushover.

Hdaran: Ya...(very nonchalantly) *a second or two pause* Eh, excuse me???

*roaring laughters*

I've come across as someone with a good sense of humour these days. I wonder why... I have never been able to spontaneously burst out with witty things to say but nevertheless it seems I have been doing so. Evidently, people seem to be laughing more often than not at the things I say. *quizzical looks*

Moving on...

This was captured at a mass-chanting of the Gayatri mantra 540 times for world peace. Held in the Ramakrishna Ashram, Penang. Was such an empowering experience to be able to my bit for the world and its betterment.

Artwork at Kopi Cine. Wonderful place to have coffee, cakes and chat...

Childhood... Remember this???

Me in a 34 size jeans from Kitschen, WOOHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

The scene in an Indian Cash 'n' Carry... I love the smell of incense and with it a sense of belonging...

There was a tale to tell behind all of these pictures for if not one would have not bothered uploading.

The Mantra
An effort of seemingly great spiritual proportions; to gather 500 hundred people under one roof to chant the following:-

Om Bhur Bhuvah Suvah,

Tat Savitur Varenyam,

Bhargo Devasya Dhimahi,

Dhiyo Yo Nah Prachodayat.

540 TIMES!!!! 

The meaning:

Oh God, the Protector, the basis of all life, Who is self-existent, Who is free from all pains and Whose contact frees the soul from all troubles, Who pervades the Universe and sustains all, the Creator and Energizer of the whole Universe, the Giver of happiness, Who is worthy of acceptance, the most excellent, Who is Pure and the Purifier of all, let us embrace that very God, so that He may direct our mental faculties in the right direction.

 http://www.eaglespace.com/spirit/gayatribywords.php

My interest in spirituality is attributable to one book Autobiography of a Yogi. It threw all my preconceived notions about God and everything in between mercilessly out of the window. I shall be forever grateful to the Saints, Yogis, Rishis, and Swamis of the world forever more because I was led to the Ultimate Truth. Have yet to experience the Bliss but my believes, approaching a stoic nature, shall help me get to HIM, the Creator of Everything.

The Artwork

Cookies and Cakes and I have been always full of alacrity at the sight of pastries (reasons why one should not wonder why "Cookies and Cakes"). The enthusiastic gay man (who finally came out to me a couple of months ago) once exclaimed in tones of pure joy that he has found yet another place to have, well, cakes and cookies and coffee in a quaint little setting. 

CnC: But its rather pricey though. I mean 10 to 12 bucks for a slice of cake. 

Hdaran: Its ok, if the cakes are as good as you say there are then I guess we're in for a delightful visit.

He decided, on an occasion to patronise the place, to bring along a new acquaintance, Candy Skirt. Like CnC, she reads law. Fashionable yet I always felt she could do better. Oh well, who am I to talk. 

Kopi Cine as it is called, is charming as it is welcoming. A wonderful menu with beautifully baked and simply presented cakes. Enough said. I also did adore the idea of a white sheet of paper clipped on to each table and container of crayons to work out something while having a conversation. Results of that occasion is The Artwork. Charming, absolutely charming.

Choki Choki

I was at a sundry shop belonging to one of dad's bestie when i came across this. Choki Choki!!! I was immediately drawn back to my childhood, sweet, gay memories of nothing but endless running around; carefree and ignorant...

Uncle Shan: Take la, I give u, free....

Hdaran: Thankiyiew!!! My God, I haven't had this in ages. (Used to be the only snack in between meals at one point of my life...)

Uncle Shan: Hahaha. Yala, remember how you and your brother used to come and eat them here when you were small...

Hdaran: *grins*

I miss being a child.

Size 34

One day before horror. Went out with Miss Sincere Adequacy, and tried out a pair of 34 size pants @ Kitschen and it FIT. The joy!!! After so many painful months i am a 34!!! Couldn't help but stare at it again and again.

Being Indian (Indian Cash N Carry)

When I was in KL, we (Mr. P, my Indian gang and I) used to waste our times at places where Indian shops were abundant i.e. Brickfields, Masjid India etc. Although one has to admit the severity of boredom was almost inexplicable, yours truly used to take comfort in rejoicing with the Indian'ness' of the entire scenario. Stacks of colourful sarees, rows of intricate Punjabi suits, inexhaustible sources of costume jewellery (the heavy necklaces and ear-rings Indian women adorn with sarees), bangles of every imaginable colour, pottus of every conceivable style, and Indian products of every doable use; very least to say that the list goes on. 

I drove my aunt to a 'Cash N Carry' about 5 minutes away from grandma's place a day before my birthday to get some supplies for an important religious celebration for the Hindu deity Vinayaga (the One with the Elephant Head). Incidentally, it fell on my birthday. And lo and behold the scene of that shop took me back to KL... Although the Island boasts streets lined with such similar retails I was intrigued by this one because it seemed so near my home and yet took me 400 kilometres away from it. Ah... the sweet memories of being in love and inevitably the painful ones too...

I have always told myself this. 

There is always, ALWAYS, a reason behind every single course in life. 

Be the outcomes bad;

The decisions erroneous;

Or the happenings excruciating;

It will definitely or indefinitely teach us, give us or bless us with something.

That is what we should lead ourselves to believe is important because it is then we will take everything that comes in our way in the most accepting way. When we accept and embrace the coming, the reaping is ours to take. And trust me when I say that when you reap unfortunate events in your life, you'll become the best student it creates.

"Nothing may be truly said to be 'miracle' except in the profound sense that everything is a miracle"

-Paramahansa Yogananda.

My "Other" Love Affairs #2

A newfound passion in me for Lemak Laksa!!! I was dreaming bout it for days!!! Balik Pulau, absolutely awesome!!!!!!!

Ah.....bliss!!!

CRAZEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am feeling a little crazy today... Feel like going out and having sex with anyone who wants to; do it with me, that is....

I am listening to this Tamil song that goes (sung wholly by a female);

Kutte vilakke x2
Sattiyama na kudumba kutte vilakke,
Accham vilakke, vetkam vilakke,
Aasai teera appalama enne norekke.....

Which means (literally);

A house oil lamp x2
Promise; I am a a house oil lamp,
A hesitant lamp, a shy lamp,
Break me like a pappadam as you like....

Anyone reading would be only doing two things I can possibly think of... Either having an eyebrow raised or laughing your head off...

As funny as it seems...... as horribly amusing it may come across....
Wait a minute, it is!!!!

Although so, what this song really goes to say is that, this woman whom portrays an image of a befitting, model housewife of sorts that isn't really, is trying to seduce men and then pick out her choice to sleep with. In the video clip, there is midrib baring woman whom dances very suggestively with men to excite them... She is saying she's shy and hesitant (third line) because there is thing bout Indian men strangely attracted to women whom are shy and abashed; an almost erotic attribute... And the final line bout breaking her like a papadom (an Indian snack that is usually eaten with rice, dhal and vegetarian side dishes) is a way of enticing men to want to fuck her; and strangely enough, sex is so often associated to post dinner affairs (dinner/food)... Yes, i am not kidding... She wants it rough and raw....

The video @YouTube  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUw-sVcTvAs

This song was actually a song from the movie Tamizhpadam, a movie that took its inspiration from its Hollywood counterpart Scary Movie. Now imagine how the outcome would have been... Anyways, i feel like this song all of a sudden; mad, amused and downright CRAZEEE!!!!!

Just if you happen to think this is a shocker, Tamil songwriters have got a way of using metaphors in most of their songs to be very suggestive; in a very carnal manner...

Another example would be;

Male: Muttataale penne, selai neiyven kanne,
Female: Naanathal orr aadai suudi kolven naane,

Literally meaning;

Male: With kisses, i shall weave you a saree,
Female: Abashed, i shall adorn this saree.

Imagine sealing a woman's body with mere kisses from her partner... For me, that spells sensuous eroticism...

Than Thaane Thantha Thaane......

It was 6.30 am (give or take 5 or 10 minutes), 3rd September 2010, and i was watching a movie on my laptop; There's Something About Mary (how very queer of me). And lo and behold, it started raining. I didn't realise at first because I had my headphones on but i saw trees billowing outside my window and i pulled the gadget off my ears. Sure enough, it was pouring!!! I got up from my bed and headed for the window; the smell of nature and without warning, a gush of wind hit my face. I took in every bit of it. I opened my eyes and carved a wide naughty grin... WHY NOT??? I can't do this at home because parents would think i am mad... Here, on campus however, there's nothing stopping me...

I immediately took off the briefs i was in (i decided it was a warm night to sleep in shorts), put on the pair of shorts i used earlier for my evening jog and tip-toed out of my room being careful not to wake GJ Kind Boy up (if anyone of you are still wondering, i always sleep with at least a singlet or a tank top on). I walked hurriedly at first, excited but at the same time a tad worried if mother nature was teasing me (a chance like this was too good to be true). Then, the adrenaline rush worked my pace up to a small jog and I eventually broke into a run... I ran with flip-flops on my feet, right out of my dormitory building and straight into the lake garden situated right across the road next to it. There are trees, grass, a walk-way, some street lights, and animals (birds, monitor lizards, tortoises, and fish in the lake), all of which always made my jogging a lot more pleasant, if it was not already.

I spread my arms out and let the magic begin... Scores after scores of Tamil movie songs begun to constantly ring in my ear;
I twirled,
I shook my hips,
I skipped,
I hugged lamp posts,
I caressed trees,
I collected raindrops in my hands and threw it up in the air,
I jumped up and down countlessly,
I sat down on the grass,
I ran up and down like a lunatic,
I was enthralled, exhilarated, and I never felt so alive!!!

Courtesy of Google Image Search,    http://img.youtube.com/vi/XA36PX1bhe4/0.jpg

For a full 30 minutes (again, give or take 5 or 10 minutes), I was a child again, nothing in the world mattered...

You see these kind of things in movies and people saying that they love doing these kind of spontaneous stuff but really, I for once never have had such an experience...
It was like I was on my own movie;
I was the star,
I was the audience,
I was the drama,
Mother Nature witnessed it!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MzJRgpclwQ