Let's Put This Out & See What Happens; I have a Weird Intimacy Issue.

It's not that I don't enjoy it.

I do.

Having another body pressed up against mine in passion is unparalleled to any other sense of euphoria. In terms of romantic passion even the orgasm doesn't come close... to me.

But something happens sometimes and I've had it happen a couple of times to me and I don't know why or what. I'd probably need to see a therapist. Not just for this but for a multitude of issues. However, most of the issues I have, I'd probably agree with the therapist. Not this however. Not this.

I get nervous when being intimate with people I have genuine feelings for...

And not just a sweaty palm, cold feet, awkward kiss kinda nervous.

I am talking body shivering, hands and feet ICE cold, and overall teeth-chattering, body-gyrating that I can't participate in anything kinda panic breakdown. It is like I was in the depths of Alaskan snow that no amount of a thick blanket can remedy. 

The previous man I was with, God bless his patience, sat with me holding my hands for a full 15 minutes for my hands to return to a normal temperature before coming in closer for a hug, a position in which we stayed in for another 10 minutes until I stopped gyrating before a going in for a kiss. 

This also happened with he-who-wouldn't-ever-be-mentioned-on-just-me-anymore. When it did, he just held me long enough for the gyrating to stop. And you know its bad when you want any kind of gyrating during coitus to stop.

So what's wrong.

Does this happen to other people?

No Apologies

I can't help but stare at every man's butt.

When I was younger perhaps I didn't pay as much attention.

But now... I think of a man as attractive only if he can make the back pockets bulge out.

Shorts filling bum in tight pants! FORGET IT!

It doesn't have to stretch out to the point of ruining clothes. I'd appreciate even a visible one that I could cup and run my hands all over.

Is that a gay thing or a me thing?

Perhaps I should say this Just Me, anal sex turns me off. 

At this point, even if I did want to experiment, I don't think I could trust someone enough to do this with. 

And even if I did, I'd be the one taking it in.

But ISTG, men wearing tight boxer shorts, in whatever size. If you got a booty, ooooofff...

I'm so butt-enamoured that I'm turned off by the ones packing up front but carry nothing in the rear. 

I'm at best indifferent towards large cis male appendages despite being a bona fide androsexual.

Not to say that I am altogether apathetic towards the cis male appendage. I love them but I care more about form, curvature, foreskin, cleanliness and its capacity to get excited more than I do its size. The bigger the better is certainly mutually exclusive to my taste.

So why the butt??? Why am I so obsessed?

Sigh, it's crossed over from kink to fetish hasn't it? Good God...

From coronavirus to now butts... What's happening here?!