Many Thoughts And A Laugh

Still busy, VERY MUCH!!!

Things took a turn for the better... I remember beating myself up for being somewhere and in something I don't belong in... Finally God has smiled on me, my research has seen a new twist and I have never been so glad. I felt like life was breathed back into me. Finally seeing the light.

That being said, I have been thinking about giving up two things.

#1 Sex.
#2 Smoking.

Yes, I know, both shockers and both tested and failed...

Sex, well yes, we all enjoy it don't we. Especially after getting hooked on to Sex and The City I was more motivated to have sex. But then again, only when I was doing it did I realise, I have yet to grow past sex without emotions. I still have to be attached to a person emotionally to feel something in bed. If I don't sex becomes monotonous (even if effort was taken to 'sex'periment), labourious and even stressful... Smoking, owh well, I am that much closer, just that much. Just wish it wasn't so 'available'. Well, I agree, no excuses. No one should justify smoking. No one. I certainly don't plan to. This addiction has to stop (or so I keep telling myself).

As for turning into a celibate, well, come on!!! Everyone masturbates right? I ain't gonna be able to give that up until everything else in my life is at peace. It's just I am falling into that God-loving facade of myself yet again. HE never lets go of me. Awakenings after awakenings. Experiences in daily life are pointing me in HIS direction. I can't even enjoy sex knowing that lust tears you away from HIM. I feel HIM, like a long lost lover knocking on my door again saying 'I love you'... Even my love for dancing is all about HIM because Indian classical dance was born right out of the Vedas. I even feel HIM typing this out.

On a lighter note, I was back home for the weekends and boy the urge to write things down hadn't reared its head so much in a long time.

First of all a funny experience. The High Priestess and me got all dressed up for a wedding reception dinner of her friend's son. She wore a lovely saree which I gushed at when I saw it sitting pretty in her room. She even spurted on the new perfume Gdaran and I bought her as a Mothers' Day gift.

Soon we were on our way, tummies aching for a buffet spread, to find the supposed venue blanketed in darkness. She forgot to bring along the invitation and so had to call another friend of hers and ask for a clarification if we were or not, in fact, in the right place. Sure enough we were, because I do not recall a duplicate of the venue in a different location. So I called the High Priest for further clarification. Proved beyond doubt was the fact that we were in the absolute correct location. I pulled the final straw. Did we have the wrong date? The High Priestess crossed her fingers and hoped against all hope that she was right. But, alas, she was dumbfounded... We were there a week ahead. I hadn't laughed at her that much since the times Cookies and Cakes used to call her 'cute' (he still thinks she's adorable).

Another incident, a night earlier, we were at The High Priestess's brother's house to wish her nephew A Happy Birthday. Unfortunately enough, we walked in during a very bad time. My uncle was yelling away at his son because they were an hour late to go to temple and he had been waiting around for him like a fool. Things were further complicated when his wife questioned him, rather seriously, why he did so. In front of us. My grandmother (which you may remember from Granny Mayhem) couldn't keep her mouth shut and ended up doing what Cookies and Cakes calls 'fighting fire with fire' and what I call 'pouring petrol on fire'. And very obviously her daughter-in-law did not overlook that and very conveniently brought it up when questioning her husband (look up any Indian serial dramas which forever host the ever-unquenchable tales of the mother-in-law vs daughter-in-law arguments, disagreements, melodrama and oh so despicable but yet so true, living with the in-laws complications; like such, it was no exception in this particular household).

Later, (post the embarrassing slip-of-mind incident with the wedding reception date), the High Prietess and I took a drive to fetch Gdaran from work (an unusual scenario because Gdaran usually drives to work in his car which, unfortunately, is sitting in a workshop as I type; repercussions of another one of those alcohol sloshing sessions; thank God this time we didn't have to frequent the hospital). While waiting for Gdaran, mom and I talked. About the drama in her brother's place, about Gdaran and his ex, about Aunt #4, about health, about God, about the right choices in life, about me and my future family (which I promptly cut off and conveniently blamed it on my studies), about The High Priest. Then  I realised something. My mom is a changed person. She is no more pushing me over the edge, she has become accepting and she is matured now more than ever. I guess all that spirituality has brought about a positive change in her. And another fact that breaks my heart is that she is lonely and I have been, through many years (in the past decade), the one confidante she has come to regard as a just, non-judgmental, ever-understanding and ever-ready to point out her sometimes erroneous actions person. At that point I told myself, I love my parents, I will be there for them till their passing. I just wish I make enough money to allow them a comfortable passing into old age and spend them the money they might need to go on that long awaited trip to the Holy Lands ('might' because my dad's retirement sum can easily rake up a comfortable life for them without either Gdaran's or my assistance). Their only worry, which in turn would be my would be my concern, is me being alone for the rest of my life. But I am sure, when that one fine day comes during which they get acquainted with God, they'll know that I was never destined to walk down that path and understand exactly why...