The Epiphany About My Future...

I've had an epiphany about my future today. I have decided that after my Masters Degree in the bag I'd need to earn some dough. Life cannot go like this for me and even if I get a scholarship for my PhD it would be insufficient with the amount of longing I am having for good clothes, shoes, bags and cosmetics. Also not to mention the need I've had for a mode of transportation and needless to say the very idea earning money represents; standing on your own two feet.

The revelation bit; I was a candidate for a research assistant post in my current university because I had not only a degree in my hand but a published scientific paper. That however went down the drain because of my graduating cumulative grade point average, a shy 0.04 points of making the cut. My parents, however, desperately wanted me to get on with my Masters Degree. I had other plans, plans that included me getting a job and staying on it for a year or two before I pursue my studies. The plan received bad reviews from my parents and some of my relatives bringing it to a standstill (a particular cousin of mine was the ultimatum in my parents' stalwart belief that I should continue.) Such a screeching halt it was that I had to turn down two job offers (although one of it was disposed of on my own free-will besides the change in plans). I am not conveniently making an exception to overlook my participation in this decision making. True, at my age, one should have already had a firm say on his/her future but hey, haven't I mentioned before that I am a crowd-pleaser? I condone myself to what others' decide on my behalf so that, if and when it does not turn out right, my conscience does not taunt me. Facing that inner voice is tiring, so tiring that I am telling myself these days that right or wrong, perfect or less-than desirable, I bring/have brought upon myself whatever it is I either hate or love about my life (of course Mr. P will always be an exception, his presence really did screw my life up!!!).

My dad is in his final 3-decades-long-lap of his career. Come October, The High Priest will finally be a retiree. The High Priestess is freaking out because neither me nor Gdaran is stable in our careers. I have got at least 3 years more to go if I decide to continue to earn the Dr. title people so blindly revere. Gdaran, on the other hand, has got no idea of how, when, and where his career is either going to grow, become fruitful, or taking him. The household income upon The High Priest's retirement is going to be totally insufficient. My parents have always been independent and mom has always told me that when her sons are settled in life, she and her husband would have no problem getting along just fine because they'd have their sum of hard-earned retirement reimbursements. I always begged to differ because though I agree that my folks are one of those we-don't-need-our-children-to-be-our-parents-when-we-are-60 sort, the least I could do is spend the rest of my life taking care of them like they took care of the helpless baby me. What's the use of being gay if I can't do so much as ease my parents into God's hands when I am capable of doing so, now especially that I've ruled out procreating and nuptials. If that was going to happen I am going to have to put my feet down every now and then for even if mom may know best, son is now all the more wiser.

As the year ends, here's the 'plan';

Before graduation start looking for a lecturing position. That will easily rake in a good three to four thousand MYR;

Spend three or four years making the best out of that income;

And when that is done get a PhD in a field that I can actually relate to.

*fingers and toes crossed*