The Designer Dream Half-off

I fell ill and decided to stay back in my room this mundane Monday to get some rest. Finally, some time to write something that doesn't come in just a sentence. Not that I resent writing those 'one-or-two-sentence' posts...

A recent reality check.

I was invited by Married Man (I really don't know how else to call him) to attend a baratanatyam arangetram held on Friday, March 18th, 2011. Me being the dance enthusiast, arrived promptly and fashionably (fashion; code for being late) to witness the event.

When we met (almost two weeks ago), Married Man told me he didn't know much about dance and he even asked me to show him how mudras (hand gestures for Indian classical dance) were done. So I did.

Now, it gets better.

I found out, on that Friday night, that the two students performing their arangetram was HIS students.

Imagine my embarrassment!!!

I was trying to teach a baratanatyam dance guru mudras!!!

That inadequate feeling in me hadn't popped its head out in a long time! Of course I was also scornful and left the vicinity without proper acknowledgment or a goodbye for the matter.

I confronted him. We spoke on the phone and I thought oh well, this wouldn't be the first time someone played a prank on me. I gave him the benefit of doubt. My doubts being, if this was the only lie he told me, however harmless it may be.

I still doubt;
if he really is doing what he said he does for a living;
if there really are 12 dance classes and three dance teachers to his credit;
if he is living where he says he does;
if his marriage WAS really out of inconvenience (the inconvenient fact being his mother's forceful attitude);
if he did really performances out of the country for an international audience.
I doubt... Really I do.

On a lighter note, I am completely infatuated by him, so much so that the brief conversation with Mr. P on Facebook chat on Thursday night did not matter (its content mostly going, "I miss you" and "Take care"; crucial to note that none of that came from me).

I wonder where this is going to take me. Cookies and Cakes has his doubts too, despite being supportive; lacking any judgmental hint one usually associates with dating a married person. I know Cookies and Cakes; one's close friendship for 13 plus years would mean one could see right through anything that the other says and does. I share his thoughts; his doubts. Enough to say that a passing thought sometimes turns into a passing wave of gut-wrenching possibilities of what turmoil may happen in the future; his wife swearing off my very existence (exaggeration on my behalf, I know!). Suffice to say that after all I have been through, I have decided to embrace the moment (Shit, shit, this is way too tacky for me!!!). Suffice to say that, owh what the heck, the man's sweet and he can dance; that's the closest I may ever get to a person that I can actually relate to!!! (No offence Cookies and Cakes, our platonic love is eternal...)

Cookies and Cakes has always been the far sighted one, not me. He is the one whose life is almost devout on having everything planned even IF plans mostly fail. For me however drafting a blueprint for most things I do is an exhausting task and like every red-blooded human being on Earth I try to avoid hassle; right up to the point it becomes a matter of life or death (yes, I take grocery shopping for dinner parties and wardrobe planning for special events a matter of life or death). This however, will not be a question of the heart's continuity. This whole Married Man situation is more of a 'go-with-the-flow' thing for me. I don't care where this is heading, because for once in my life I have had reciprocation by a person whose words, my stomach and my heart-beat react violently to.

I don't have plans because, come on, even the word 'plan' screams 'tiring' to me. Instead I have illusions of heart.

Some nice thing I call dream.
Day-dream.

And in those illusions I see A Man, a tall plus sized, successful, spiritual, pleasant-looking gay man with a good sense of fashion and humour hopelessly in love with me running into my ex, us looking absolutely fabulous! But hey, that's fantasy. In real life however, I know that running into Mr. P with Married Man (or any fabulous man for the matter) is probably never going to happen.

The very least the designer bearing the tag 'God' could offer me for being on this rut of a place called Earth  by HIS own decision is, the designer dream half off...

A pleasant-looking man with a good sense of humour whom is trained in the Indian classical dance, baratanatyam (more invites to dance programs for me!!!) to keep and call 'half' my own.