When The Going Gets Dull, Spice Things Up!

Nope, no one's dead, and no, I haven't attempted to rupture more blood vessels of mine again and definitely not, Mr. P hasn't contacted me!!! I just felt like writing (or rather, typing)... One of those days where your fingers move to the rhythm your heart and your mind tell it to...

What to write about when all I've been doing is looking through countless journals all day long about oil-pressed residues and antioxidants and DPPH radical scavenging activities... OOOFFFF!!!! All I wanted was a normal boring day job so I could dedicate my nights to reading, and going out for drinks and socialising and learning odissi every Saturday. Not that I am not doing all of that (minus the dancing of course) but it's the cash funds that I find so difficult to keep up with. Oh well, might as well make the best out of my situation. Besides, once I finish my doctorate I may be paid twice as much as what my friends make. Being gay, would mean, no children, no commitments, just me, myself, my spirituality, my friends, my family and fabulousness. Argh... The boyfriend can wait. I am no more in a rush to meet that dumbass wrapped in aluminium foil (think Prince Charming in an armour of steel).

While we are down that road, Sunbear (thanks Cookies and Cakes), one of the longest holding friends-with-benefit of mine from KL, has been kind enough to drop me a few lines every now and then to inquire my well-being. Sunbear, it seems, is at a phase of his life whereby the "fun" no longer mattered and loneliness has managed to creep in. *rolls eyes* Why do people only realise things like this when its too late. I say this because I was so ready to give US (Sunbear and I) a chance at a relationship a few years ago. He has always been with people who wanted nothing but carnal pleasure with him/ from him; either way its immaterial. Now he wants a relationship???

 I had a feeling he was testing the waters with me as to whether or not I still believe in happy endings. Yes, of course I do believe in 'ever after's but nonetheless I have also come to realise much higher truths than that (i'll save the preaching for other entries). My 'preset' brain has been 'reset' to evolved from, "LOVE is important" to "LOVE is, if and only if, it is GOD" (shit, sorry, no more preaching..... really!!!).

So Sunbear, went on about how he was feeling so much inadequacy in his life. How much he's been doing nothing but watching TV. How he rarely meets up with other men for sex these days. Bla bla bla, yada yada yada... And just when i thought the worst was over, the scale was yanked up and he used the ultimate turn off line (for me at least...);

Sunbear: If u were still kl would consider me??? (excuse the grammar, Sunbear was always defensive about his language skills)
Hdaran: Of course i wud! U tc nites. (God forgive me, don't send me to hell!!!)
Sunbear: Thanks da. I miss u...

Euggghhh!!! Tactless, absolutely tactless. I may have forgotten how to love and how it is like being in love but trust me, Sunbear, NOT an option. One mustn't deny, being with him had its perks. I used to be treated like I wanted to. Chauffeured driven around, meals taken care of, drinks checked, sex (well, that...I usually took whatever I got), and time mostly well-spent. What can I say? I had nothing to complain and it was a comfortable union that lasted long enough...

*eyebrow raised*
*evil grin carved*

It was then the Devil's ears and tail grew and yes, yes yes yes, why not!!! He's earning well, he needs some companionship and I am free of attachments, so voila, I played along... The cat is in the bag!!! Fantastic!!! I've got a person to take around, who'd buy me drinks and spend for me whenever he comes down to the island. Just what I need to spice things up when the going gets dull.

So, that's  that. I have no idea when my ordeal/total closure of Mr. P is going to end/come and loneliness sometimes coerces me into looking at his pictures and then crying momentarily. So, while the physical detachment is there without my conscience constantly poking me in the gut, I can safely enjoy this particular endeavor until the one true dumbass comes along to give me hell (LOL, one shall always question the possibility of a truly happy relationship). With that said, I welcome the comfortable hotel sheets and bath tubs, the room service, the cocktails, wines and good food, and last (and LEAST), only just acceptable, the sex.

Besides, Sunbear can be easily disposed off.
My goodness, wherever did the Hdaran, so often passed over, go to???!!!