When The Going Gets Dull, Spice Things Up!

Nope, no one's dead, and no, I haven't attempted to rupture more blood vessels of mine again and definitely not, Mr. P hasn't contacted me!!! I just felt like writing (or rather, typing)... One of those days where your fingers move to the rhythm your heart and your mind tell it to...

What to write about when all I've been doing is looking through countless journals all day long about oil-pressed residues and antioxidants and DPPH radical scavenging activities... OOOFFFF!!!! All I wanted was a normal boring day job so I could dedicate my nights to reading, and going out for drinks and socialising and learning odissi every Saturday. Not that I am not doing all of that (minus the dancing of course) but it's the cash funds that I find so difficult to keep up with. Oh well, might as well make the best out of my situation. Besides, once I finish my doctorate I may be paid twice as much as what my friends make. Being gay, would mean, no children, no commitments, just me, myself, my spirituality, my friends, my family and fabulousness. Argh... The boyfriend can wait. I am no more in a rush to meet that dumbass wrapped in aluminium foil (think Prince Charming in an armour of steel).

While we are down that road, Sunbear (thanks Cookies and Cakes), one of the longest holding friends-with-benefit of mine from KL, has been kind enough to drop me a few lines every now and then to inquire my well-being. Sunbear, it seems, is at a phase of his life whereby the "fun" no longer mattered and loneliness has managed to creep in. *rolls eyes* Why do people only realise things like this when its too late. I say this because I was so ready to give US (Sunbear and I) a chance at a relationship a few years ago. He has always been with people who wanted nothing but carnal pleasure with him/ from him; either way its immaterial. Now he wants a relationship???

 I had a feeling he was testing the waters with me as to whether or not I still believe in happy endings. Yes, of course I do believe in 'ever after's but nonetheless I have also come to realise much higher truths than that (i'll save the preaching for other entries). My 'preset' brain has been 'reset' to evolved from, "LOVE is important" to "LOVE is, if and only if, it is GOD" (shit, sorry, no more preaching..... really!!!).

So Sunbear, went on about how he was feeling so much inadequacy in his life. How much he's been doing nothing but watching TV. How he rarely meets up with other men for sex these days. Bla bla bla, yada yada yada... And just when i thought the worst was over, the scale was yanked up and he used the ultimate turn off line (for me at least...);

Sunbear: If u were still kl would consider me??? (excuse the grammar, Sunbear was always defensive about his language skills)
Hdaran: Of course i wud! U tc nites. (God forgive me, don't send me to hell!!!)
Sunbear: Thanks da. I miss u...

Euggghhh!!! Tactless, absolutely tactless. I may have forgotten how to love and how it is like being in love but trust me, Sunbear, NOT an option. One mustn't deny, being with him had its perks. I used to be treated like I wanted to. Chauffeured driven around, meals taken care of, drinks checked, sex (well, that...I usually took whatever I got), and time mostly well-spent. What can I say? I had nothing to complain and it was a comfortable union that lasted long enough...

*eyebrow raised*
*evil grin carved*

It was then the Devil's ears and tail grew and yes, yes yes yes, why not!!! He's earning well, he needs some companionship and I am free of attachments, so voila, I played along... The cat is in the bag!!! Fantastic!!! I've got a person to take around, who'd buy me drinks and spend for me whenever he comes down to the island. Just what I need to spice things up when the going gets dull.

So, that's  that. I have no idea when my ordeal/total closure of Mr. P is going to end/come and loneliness sometimes coerces me into looking at his pictures and then crying momentarily. So, while the physical detachment is there without my conscience constantly poking me in the gut, I can safely enjoy this particular endeavor until the one true dumbass comes along to give me hell (LOL, one shall always question the possibility of a truly happy relationship). With that said, I welcome the comfortable hotel sheets and bath tubs, the room service, the cocktails, wines and good food, and last (and LEAST), only just acceptable, the sex.

Besides, Sunbear can be easily disposed off.
My goodness, wherever did the Hdaran, so often passed over, go to???!!!

Of a Mantra, an Artwork, Choki Choki, size 34, and Being Indian....

In a heated conversation about a certain insignificant someone.

CnC: You have always been pushover.

Hdaran: Ya...(very nonchalantly) *a second or two pause* Eh, excuse me???

*roaring laughters*

I've come across as someone with a good sense of humour these days. I wonder why... I have never been able to spontaneously burst out with witty things to say but nevertheless it seems I have been doing so. Evidently, people seem to be laughing more often than not at the things I say. *quizzical looks*

Moving on...

This was captured at a mass-chanting of the Gayatri mantra 540 times for world peace. Held in the Ramakrishna Ashram, Penang. Was such an empowering experience to be able to my bit for the world and its betterment.

Artwork at Kopi Cine. Wonderful place to have coffee, cakes and chat...

Childhood... Remember this???

Me in a 34 size jeans from Kitschen, WOOHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

The scene in an Indian Cash 'n' Carry... I love the smell of incense and with it a sense of belonging...

There was a tale to tell behind all of these pictures for if not one would have not bothered uploading.

The Mantra
An effort of seemingly great spiritual proportions; to gather 500 hundred people under one roof to chant the following:-

Om Bhur Bhuvah Suvah,

Tat Savitur Varenyam,

Bhargo Devasya Dhimahi,

Dhiyo Yo Nah Prachodayat.

540 TIMES!!!! 

The meaning:

Oh God, the Protector, the basis of all life, Who is self-existent, Who is free from all pains and Whose contact frees the soul from all troubles, Who pervades the Universe and sustains all, the Creator and Energizer of the whole Universe, the Giver of happiness, Who is worthy of acceptance, the most excellent, Who is Pure and the Purifier of all, let us embrace that very God, so that He may direct our mental faculties in the right direction.

 http://www.eaglespace.com/spirit/gayatribywords.php

My interest in spirituality is attributable to one book Autobiography of a Yogi. It threw all my preconceived notions about God and everything in between mercilessly out of the window. I shall be forever grateful to the Saints, Yogis, Rishis, and Swamis of the world forever more because I was led to the Ultimate Truth. Have yet to experience the Bliss but my believes, approaching a stoic nature, shall help me get to HIM, the Creator of Everything.

The Artwork

Cookies and Cakes and I have been always full of alacrity at the sight of pastries (reasons why one should not wonder why "Cookies and Cakes"). The enthusiastic gay man (who finally came out to me a couple of months ago) once exclaimed in tones of pure joy that he has found yet another place to have, well, cakes and cookies and coffee in a quaint little setting. 

CnC: But its rather pricey though. I mean 10 to 12 bucks for a slice of cake. 

Hdaran: Its ok, if the cakes are as good as you say there are then I guess we're in for a delightful visit.

He decided, on an occasion to patronise the place, to bring along a new acquaintance, Candy Skirt. Like CnC, she reads law. Fashionable yet I always felt she could do better. Oh well, who am I to talk. 

Kopi Cine as it is called, is charming as it is welcoming. A wonderful menu with beautifully baked and simply presented cakes. Enough said. I also did adore the idea of a white sheet of paper clipped on to each table and container of crayons to work out something while having a conversation. Results of that occasion is The Artwork. Charming, absolutely charming.

Choki Choki

I was at a sundry shop belonging to one of dad's bestie when i came across this. Choki Choki!!! I was immediately drawn back to my childhood, sweet, gay memories of nothing but endless running around; carefree and ignorant...

Uncle Shan: Take la, I give u, free....

Hdaran: Thankiyiew!!! My God, I haven't had this in ages. (Used to be the only snack in between meals at one point of my life...)

Uncle Shan: Hahaha. Yala, remember how you and your brother used to come and eat them here when you were small...

Hdaran: *grins*

I miss being a child.

Size 34

One day before horror. Went out with Miss Sincere Adequacy, and tried out a pair of 34 size pants @ Kitschen and it FIT. The joy!!! After so many painful months i am a 34!!! Couldn't help but stare at it again and again.

Being Indian (Indian Cash N Carry)

When I was in KL, we (Mr. P, my Indian gang and I) used to waste our times at places where Indian shops were abundant i.e. Brickfields, Masjid India etc. Although one has to admit the severity of boredom was almost inexplicable, yours truly used to take comfort in rejoicing with the Indian'ness' of the entire scenario. Stacks of colourful sarees, rows of intricate Punjabi suits, inexhaustible sources of costume jewellery (the heavy necklaces and ear-rings Indian women adorn with sarees), bangles of every imaginable colour, pottus of every conceivable style, and Indian products of every doable use; very least to say that the list goes on. 

I drove my aunt to a 'Cash N Carry' about 5 minutes away from grandma's place a day before my birthday to get some supplies for an important religious celebration for the Hindu deity Vinayaga (the One with the Elephant Head). Incidentally, it fell on my birthday. And lo and behold the scene of that shop took me back to KL... Although the Island boasts streets lined with such similar retails I was intrigued by this one because it seemed so near my home and yet took me 400 kilometres away from it. Ah... the sweet memories of being in love and inevitably the painful ones too...

I have always told myself this. 

There is always, ALWAYS, a reason behind every single course in life. 

Be the outcomes bad;

The decisions erroneous;

Or the happenings excruciating;

It will definitely or indefinitely teach us, give us or bless us with something.

That is what we should lead ourselves to believe is important because it is then we will take everything that comes in our way in the most accepting way. When we accept and embrace the coming, the reaping is ours to take. And trust me when I say that when you reap unfortunate events in your life, you'll become the best student it creates.

"Nothing may be truly said to be 'miracle' except in the profound sense that everything is a miracle"

-Paramahansa Yogananda.

My "Other" Love Affairs #2

A newfound passion in me for Lemak Laksa!!! I was dreaming bout it for days!!! Balik Pulau, absolutely awesome!!!!!!!

Ah.....bliss!!!

CRAZEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am feeling a little crazy today... Feel like going out and having sex with anyone who wants to; do it with me, that is....

I am listening to this Tamil song that goes (sung wholly by a female);

Kutte vilakke x2
Sattiyama na kudumba kutte vilakke,
Accham vilakke, vetkam vilakke,
Aasai teera appalama enne norekke.....

Which means (literally);

A house oil lamp x2
Promise; I am a a house oil lamp,
A hesitant lamp, a shy lamp,
Break me like a pappadam as you like....

Anyone reading would be only doing two things I can possibly think of... Either having an eyebrow raised or laughing your head off...

As funny as it seems...... as horribly amusing it may come across....
Wait a minute, it is!!!!

Although so, what this song really goes to say is that, this woman whom portrays an image of a befitting, model housewife of sorts that isn't really, is trying to seduce men and then pick out her choice to sleep with. In the video clip, there is midrib baring woman whom dances very suggestively with men to excite them... She is saying she's shy and hesitant (third line) because there is thing bout Indian men strangely attracted to women whom are shy and abashed; an almost erotic attribute... And the final line bout breaking her like a papadom (an Indian snack that is usually eaten with rice, dhal and vegetarian side dishes) is a way of enticing men to want to fuck her; and strangely enough, sex is so often associated to post dinner affairs (dinner/food)... Yes, i am not kidding... She wants it rough and raw....

The video @YouTube  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUw-sVcTvAs

This song was actually a song from the movie Tamizhpadam, a movie that took its inspiration from its Hollywood counterpart Scary Movie. Now imagine how the outcome would have been... Anyways, i feel like this song all of a sudden; mad, amused and downright CRAZEEE!!!!!

Just if you happen to think this is a shocker, Tamil songwriters have got a way of using metaphors in most of their songs to be very suggestive; in a very carnal manner...

Another example would be;

Male: Muttataale penne, selai neiyven kanne,
Female: Naanathal orr aadai suudi kolven naane,

Literally meaning;

Male: With kisses, i shall weave you a saree,
Female: Abashed, i shall adorn this saree.

Imagine sealing a woman's body with mere kisses from her partner... For me, that spells sensuous eroticism...

Than Thaane Thantha Thaane......

It was 6.30 am (give or take 5 or 10 minutes), 3rd September 2010, and i was watching a movie on my laptop; There's Something About Mary (how very queer of me). And lo and behold, it started raining. I didn't realise at first because I had my headphones on but i saw trees billowing outside my window and i pulled the gadget off my ears. Sure enough, it was pouring!!! I got up from my bed and headed for the window; the smell of nature and without warning, a gush of wind hit my face. I took in every bit of it. I opened my eyes and carved a wide naughty grin... WHY NOT??? I can't do this at home because parents would think i am mad... Here, on campus however, there's nothing stopping me...

I immediately took off the briefs i was in (i decided it was a warm night to sleep in shorts), put on the pair of shorts i used earlier for my evening jog and tip-toed out of my room being careful not to wake GJ Kind Boy up (if anyone of you are still wondering, i always sleep with at least a singlet or a tank top on). I walked hurriedly at first, excited but at the same time a tad worried if mother nature was teasing me (a chance like this was too good to be true). Then, the adrenaline rush worked my pace up to a small jog and I eventually broke into a run... I ran with flip-flops on my feet, right out of my dormitory building and straight into the lake garden situated right across the road next to it. There are trees, grass, a walk-way, some street lights, and animals (birds, monitor lizards, tortoises, and fish in the lake), all of which always made my jogging a lot more pleasant, if it was not already.

I spread my arms out and let the magic begin... Scores after scores of Tamil movie songs begun to constantly ring in my ear;
I twirled,
I shook my hips,
I skipped,
I hugged lamp posts,
I caressed trees,
I collected raindrops in my hands and threw it up in the air,
I jumped up and down countlessly,
I sat down on the grass,
I ran up and down like a lunatic,
I was enthralled, exhilarated, and I never felt so alive!!!

Courtesy of Google Image Search,    http://img.youtube.com/vi/XA36PX1bhe4/0.jpg

For a full 30 minutes (again, give or take 5 or 10 minutes), I was a child again, nothing in the world mattered...

You see these kind of things in movies and people saying that they love doing these kind of spontaneous stuff but really, I for once never have had such an experience...
It was like I was on my own movie;
I was the star,
I was the audience,
I was the drama,
Mother Nature witnessed it!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MzJRgpclwQ