Gender Dysphoria Indicator

I was always aware of this particular trait in myself but until recently, I thought it was mutually exclusive to my dysphoria. 

I always assumed that this was due to my inherent body dysmorphia.

Until I came out to myself recently I never thought to put two and two together. 

So.....

I have never been comfortable shirtless to the point that I've NEVER slept shirtless.

The amount of times I have been shirtless I can count on one hand and the amount of times I've slept shirtless I can count on the other (the times I can remember at least). 

I think cis men are far less afflicted with body issues than any other genders regardless of sexuality.

I think to myself that I'd be shirtless more often if I was thinner.

BUT there was a time when I was thin enough to be shirtless without shame and even then the article of clothing stayed on.

I always had a singlet (tank) on the very least. 

Working on 50%

Conversation with my mother when I was a child, no older than 12, after receiving a trophy for academic excellence...

The High Priestess: Why did you walk like a girl on the stage when you received your trophy.

J: Silence.

The High Priestess: Come on! Man up! Walk tough. Chest up! Walk like a man! Not a girl.

J: Silence.

This conversation was spoken in Tamil making it far worse than it seems.

Part of my mental energy is CONSTANTLY remembering to walk, act and talk "normally". You could say I am always working on 50%.

The time I can be 100% myself is in solitude or when I am with my best friends.