Complicated??? So Be It!!!

A normal life to lead...
Born straight, grow up with a decent education...
At the appropriate time get a job and a girlfriend...
Get married and have kids...
Tag along with family and friends for gatherings and outings...
Occasional financial hiccups and debts to pay for...
Eventually own a car or two and a house or two...
Get old...
Die...

Why couldn't have life been that easy???
That boring???
That uncomplicated???
That foreseeable???
That SIMPLE???

Miss Sincere Inadequacy recently found out that her boyfriend (Creative juice #3), had been in fact disloyal to her and thus ended the relationship... Even that seems so much simpler than what i have going on...

"The only dream worth having is to dream that you will live while you are alive, and die only when you are dead. To love, to be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and vulgar disparity of the life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget." 

-Arundhati Roy (The God of Small Things)


The few books i read that i could fully relate to...


Not to complicate what is simple and not to simplify what is complicated...


I guess my life will stay complicated and i shall live by its complications... The more i try to simplify, the more mess i get into...

I Was NEVER Meant For Love

I was not meant for love...

Always falling for straight men has always been the worst of my shortcomings... Mr I Think I Am Too Good To Be True, Godbro, and Mr P. All these experiences (if i may say so) has taught me one thing... The pursuit of a significant other has never been my calling. I was never destined to walk side-by-side with another, fingers inter-locked into one another's, head on his shoulder, on the beach by the moonlight...

I keep on saying this on my blog, God is the one true destiny of mankind, He is the Ultimate Truth, Eternal Bliss, and Omnipresent Being. To my amusement (yes, very much), God and the Human Soul is one. The only reason it has been thus far been seen separated is because mankind is a manifestation of God on Earth. Being on Earth changes things, vastly. The fact that we're bound to worldly attachments is infallible and that is when we tend to forget the parallel truth of God and Human.

Just a little take on theology.

So i am here, after having gone through (and not gone through) all the above (para #2), sitting down thinking to myself is that all there is??? (Actually, I've thought about this long ago) Reading has helped me discover certain hidden truths, gems that indeed tell the tales of the ultimate Truth. When you are wrapped in Eternal undying bliss, your need to satisfy desires cease. With that being said, i mean every possible desire; including romantic love. One does not need a significant other when God sheds light on you. If you take one step to God, He takes a leap, walk to Him and He runs to you... So what a Mataji, an enlightened guru, said to us in her speech during a visit to the island... Love is God, God is Love, Bliss is God, God is Bliss, and only the blind will disapprove of it...

Sillunu Oru Kadhal...

People; best friends, loved ones, family, strangers, the ones whom make our lives miserable, the ones we abhor, idols, superstars, hypocrites, acquaintances, relatives, actors, models, doctors, engineers, graduates, dropouts; bottom line is we're all people. We're bound to feelings, emotions, attachments, relationships, failures, triumphs, depression and happiness... The one thing we all have in common is we all pursue happiness, eternal happiness...

Among all, love of God transcends all... Although it is simple, it is also arbitrarily destined; how, when, and where, we have but little power over it. The opportunity is circumstantial, but if final, it will not falter, except if the individual is unwilling to realise and embrace the equality of the Soul and God. The other, pure but very much worldly pursuit of the human existence is LOVE; the ultimate search for the significant other. The longing for someone to feel the void, to complete oneself, to know you are loved.

I was in KL the past few days, attending Mr.P's graduation. And on the Sunday morning i started penning down my next entry. Couldn't find a proper paper to continue and had to tear of a page of the newspaper that was mostly blank.

That entry never made it here...
I recalled an idea put forth in a Tamil movie,

We only safe-keep things that we are fond of because of the fear someone else may take it away or misuse it. But if that very thing is better kept elsewhere, we acquire infinite peace in knowing that it's safe...

-Sillunu Ore Kadhal (2006)

I looking forward to that peace... It will soon happen and when it does i shall leave... i am talking about Mr. P and Confused Gal... it is looking good... I am in no way depressed or mulling over my sad, pathetic life, or whatever not!!! 

I am great!!! I am good, i will be good, and i shall do good!!! I'be nothing less than Great!!!

To Belong: Love IS God

Curse the varsity campus' wireless firewall for blocking even my signing into blogger... What's their resentment against blogging and blogger???

Anyways the big comeback on the popular social networking website has been rather exciting for me. Pretentious/hypocritical OR honest/welcoming; i do think both the facade and the genuine were present but nevertheless one does not wish to consider the need to distinguish.

"You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestation of your own blessings."

-Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

I read the sentence over and over again and again. 

Being a stalwart believer in karmic pasts somehow makes this notion imperatively disposable to me. Yet still, i sense a strong conformation reading it. It wasn't just participation, it was relentless, persistence, being resolute, interminable in the quest to receive blessings. Rome was not built in a day.

Just as human beings pursue love, should this notion be directed to OUR pursuit for love... relentless... no one ever stops looking for love... like bloodthirsty savages... bound to the innate desire to belong, to be longed, and to be long in love. True, come present times, to be long in love is as good as to belong in love. I am hopeful, so hopeful that i keep assuring myself that God has indeed been taking steps to ensure i follow His path... The path of eternal bliss, the true embodiment of everlasting love, the entirety of truth. 

To belong.

Free me from the bounds of mortality.

Free me from desire and greed.

Free me from sorrow and pain.

Free me from ego and self-flattery.

Free me from anger and anguish.

I surrender myself onto Thee...

Let me feel Eternal Bliss,

Let me feel Infinite Love,

Let me feel You.

Love is God.

Note To Self: GET A LIFE!!!

I wonder if I've ever mentioned the fashion designers I have gotten acquainted with.

OK, so we have the sweet, charming Designer.S, who has graduated from one of Malaysia's revered arts and design college (well, at least that is what I have mostly heard anyway). His designs are ever so honest and quite understated but has quality and an interesting undertone of eccentricity to it; clothes that i would personally love to see a fashion forward female adorn. And then we have another homegrown talent, Designer R Bling; his designs are somewhat predictable, so much so it borders on being safe but they're consistently well-tailored much like the work of Laura Bennett's (Project Runway USA: Season 3). His pieces are almost always finished with embellishments of his favorite choice of trinket, Swarowkski crystals, creating a touch of classy ellegance. Encased in a delightfully quaint pre-war residential lot, his couture house is a sight to behold. Upon nightfall, the vicinity oozes Parisian charm and this little boutique with mannequins displaying the designer's finest stands out under warm lights, peeking through its glass front doors and windows, halting onlookers prying for a closer look. This was exactly what happened to Cookies and Cakes and I while driving through the lane during night time (OMG, is this been like the umpteenth time i am mentioning this character in my entries??? Owh, never mind, one has decided that, under false pretences at least, that he has indeed become one's illegitimate husband) .

Anyway, Cookies and Cakes (not again, dang!!! time to find a proper boyfriend) and I got acquainted with Designer R Bling during one of our journey to find good food around the island and thanks to my best friend's extensive network of peers with mutual interests, we also found out Designer R Bling cooks!!! A few months later (or was it a year or so?) we met Designer R Bling again in Draghouse and this time the pleasantries exchange became a little more cosy *wink* and the most recent meet up ended in an invitation to his birthday bash.

"Its gonna be a barbecue party," he said.
"Oh ok, that's cool. Got dress code ah?" (excuse the Manglish), i enquired.
"Smart casual lah..." he replied.
Designer engaged in bit more trivial conversation.
*scurries off to meet Le Boyfriend*

Cookies and Cakes and I exchanged intrigued looks, "Did that just happen???" or so, that was the look he was giving me. From traces of disbelief it went to excitement and then to a note of anxiety. Gift!!! F*%K!!!
"OK, time to think, what shall we get him....errrmmm, errrrmmmm, let's come up with ideas and then we shall discuss and go gift hunting."
"Why do i even bother," i told myself, "It's not like Cookies and Cakes wouldn't figure this out, besides, i will help with the 'hunting'," i was always blank when it comes for suggestions for birthday presents. Cookies and Cakes was the man to go to with these sort of qualms, he was always so competent and right on the dot with his recommendations (i have no social life; Cookies and Cakes this, Cookies and Cakes that, why don't I just name the blog 'Cookies AND Cakes: Rants Of A Best Friend') .

The party itself was rather simplistic, laidback, executed very effortlessly and still managed to feel rather intricate and well thought of. Laid out in a frivolous manner, the host was rather gracious in welcoming me (i arrived UN-fashionably late and yes, its true, Cookies and Cakes did not drive me there, for once) to an array of grilled meat, wine (it was cheap wine, but it was nevertheless wine) and a heavenly concoction of 'porky' goodness. I was in a phase whereby my stomach has shrunken and it can't seem to hold quantities of food like it used to (due to portion control and healthy eating in an effort to lose weight) and so managed to merely sample the food. The night ended, wait..... (we adjourned elsewhere), the party, right the party..... ended, on a cheerful note with the birthday boy (one is referring to his not-so-innocent, childlike demeanour we got to witness that night) opening his gifts and thanking his friends and some newfound company (Cookies and Cakes and I) for the gift we bore. We left the place, thanking him and his friends for the honestly enjoyable company and time well-spent.

"Told'ca u should come," Cookies and Cakes affirms his trust on the host for being exceptionally tactful in his attempt to throw a proper birthday bash.
"Ya ya, i am glad i did, so we're adjourning to Holy Lounge???" truth be told, i was looking forward to more alcohol.
"Ya, Stylish Foreigner (hereafter shall be known as Brian Look Alike) is there with his boyfriend and his best friend."

"Owh crap," i thought, "i am going to stand face-to-face with Intimidation itself". I don't blame Brian Look Alike, its me, the pathetic, undeserving me, whom gets to mingle with high status socialites. I should just sulk into one corner (one was horribly clad that night and horribly clad in branded apparel; testament that true style isn't about billboarding labels) and wait for my demise. More wine??? Ahhh, yes, Cookies and Cakes tended to that with a glass of white wine *sips* and one was feeling better with the warm welcome Brian Look Alike gave me. He even managed to invite me to shake up the dance floor, but, alas, my clothes weighed me down and i was not about to appear even more unattractive. We had another bottle of white wine (one wishes not to reveal gut-wrenching tales of being stranded in a lounge with alcohol that a ruddy plastic couldn't pay for; if only a pair of scissors was in possesion), we left a couple of hours shy to dawnbreak, both satisfied with the amount of alcohol in our bloodstream and thankful that Brian Look Alike was there to save the day (i ought to give him a hug).

I am missing the dinner parties at Cookies and Cakes' place (sigh, i really wish we were sexually attracted to each other; note to self: GET A LIFE!!!).

Roast Chicken???
Indian Scrumptiousness???
More Mouth-Watering Vegan Deals???
An All-Cake Affair???
WHAT NEXT???? ARRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!